Back When I Lost You
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

Connor, however, was a man of at least forty, probably older. His face was a mass of lines, spots and bristle. Nell noted the tattoo on his arm – faded blue, picture no longer clear –clocked the scabs littering his balding scalp: steroids, or something more? He was bulky, so maybe the former, but a faint smell of cannabis made her think the latter. And there was a barely suppressed anger about him, not just directed towards her and Paul – for that was predictable; men like that wore their anger at police like a badge – but to his girlfriend sitting next to him, who shrank from it.

Nell began to see what Eve had seen and she didn’t like it. Connor’s height and width dominated the space around them, almost erasing Kelly-Anne’s presence. It was clear that what mattered to him was the ongoing interaction with Paul, not the girlfriend sitting next to him, and certainly not the child in the bedroom.

‘If you could just tell me again how you found Georgie,’ Paul was saying. ‘How you found her …’ he paused, ‘… like that.’

Nell watched Kelly-Anne cower in on herself, tears flowing down her cheeks. When she spoke it was with the lilt of ‘Oxford’ – the raw end of it, not the silver-spoon variety.

‘Georgie had been a bit cranky – but nothing we couldn’t cope with,’ she added hurriedly, eyes wide and fixed on Nell as if their shared gender would connect them. It didn’t.

‘I’d tried to give her a bottle but she wasn’t having it, so Connor went out for Calpol, didn’t you?’ She looked to her boyfriend with lashes covered in thick mascara, clinging on despite the tears. Connor barely managed a nod in reply.

‘You can give them Calpol you know,’ Kelly-Anne said, turning back to Nell, her tone desperate.

Nell nodded. ‘Yes, I know.’

Kelly-Anne seemed to relax a little, shoulders sagging. ‘But we couldn’t get much in her so I just lay her down in her cot and left her to cry it out a bit. You can do that too, you know? It’s in the books and stuff.’

Nell nodded again. She didn’t know and likely never would, but if it was in the books, who was she to judge? She wondered how they’d met. Kelly-Anne underage and down the pub on a Friday night; Connor seeing his chance as the shots took hold; a quick fumble a few hours later, then fast forward nine months and here they were with a screaming baby in a flat provided by the council? Or was it more than that?

Nell watched the hand movements of the pair, the way she pleaded with him to hold hers, the manner in which he batted her off. Connor was an angry man, that was clear enough. But angry enough to kill a baby? Probably.