BooksBarbecue
Back When I Lost You
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

‘Seriously. Do you really want,’ she checked her watch, ‘to book them into custody at 22:59? It’ll be 1 a.m. by the time we get to bed and I for one don’t want to hang out with a grumpy custody sergeant and a suite full of drunks when we have nothing concrete to go on. Besides, the press would have a field day if we dragged a grieving mother in with no evidence.’

Noting Paul’s look, she said, ‘So what are they going to do, Paul? It’s not like they’ve got the money to skip over to Spain and go on the run.’ Nell knew how she sounded, but the case was already getting her down and the pills hadn’t kicked in so her head was pounding. It was a dead baby, sad, tragic even, but it wasn’t the sort of case she’d wanted to work on when she joined the police. And it wasn’t as if the couple were a risk to the public. A single mother on benefits and a part-time drug dealer – a not very good one at that – what good would it do to take them down the station? It was going to be a cut-and-dry case, with little to do but watch the mother go down for it.

‘Well, I’d like it noted I disagree with this course of action. Something’s not right here and I don’t like the look of the dad.’

Nell turned to go back into the front room. ‘Noted,’ she said.

Three

Now

It is 2 a.m. and my husband is lying awake beside me. We are each pretending the other is asleep, and for the moment this suits me fine. I listen to the distant hum of late-night Oxford traffic, the faint call of one student to another, watch the gradual arc of a car’s headlights pass over the bedroom ceiling.

I feel peaceful, a feeling so alien to me over the last few months that I allow myself to be smothered by it, curling into it in an attempt to forget.

I feel his hand reach mine and take a hold. He squeezes, and I squeeze back, the spell broken.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says. My heart pinches. He has nothing to be sorry for. He has only ever been my supporter, my champion, my soulmate.

I take my hand from his and turn on to my side, hands under my cheek as if in prayer. ‘You have nothing to be sorry for.’

He is staring at the ceiling, dark now after the brief car light. I stare at his profile: the solid nose, heavy brow, bristled jaw, and I mentally trace my fingers from the top of his head to his chin.