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Back When I Lost You Save as PDF
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

‘Thanks, Control, we’ll await their arrival.’ And turning down the radio, Nell leaned back against the wall, closed her eyes and waited for the hum of the helicopter.

Sixty

Now – Mary

The kitchen is in darkness, clouds having smothered the moon so not even a shaft of light escapes. I listen for sounds from the upstairs bedroom, but all is silent. I pour a glass of red from a bottle on the side. I’m so tired my blood feels as thick as cement, crawling through my body with a slowness matching my thoughts.

Where is Aoife? She’s been gone too long and I need her here to settle me. I take a mouthful of wine and enjoy the quick hit of the alcohol. What if she’s up there with Joanne? What if she chooses her child over me, just like she did all those years ago? I feel panic start, so I down the wine and pour myself another. No, this is about me and her now, getting back to where we always should have been. She wouldn’t betray me. Not when I’m trying to show how sorry I am for betraying her.

Gerry appears at the door. He scans the room but finds only me.

‘Mary?’

‘Obviously.’

His shoulders look tight and anxiety practically jumps from him, electrifying the room.

He gives a short nod. ‘Where is Eve?’ His tone is tight.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Don’t lie to me, Mary. Where is she?’

‘Why do we always have to talk about Eve. Eve, Eve, Eve.’ I mimic mouths speaking with my hands.

Gerry takes the seat opposite me. He clasps his hands in front of him, making a church steeple. ‘You know when we went away – from the beach – and we decided you should be called something else. To help you put the past behind you?’

‘Yes.’ I do, of course, although I’m not sure why that’s relevant.

‘And you wanted to be called Aoife so she would always be with you – do you remember that?’ He’s speaking carefully, as if worried his words are like stones on glass.

‘Yes.’

He looks at me, but I don’t know what he wants me to say, so I drink my wine.

‘Mary.’ His expression is one of measured patience and I want Aoife to hurry up and get back here.

‘Mary, it’s been thirty-five years since Aoife died and in that time I’ve watched you work yourself almost to the grave trying to live enough life for the both of you.’

I stare into the glass. I don’t want to hear him. I don’t understand why this matters now.

‘And you did it. You made an amazing life with an amazing career and you did it all while using her name.’

I stay silent.

‘But then things seemed to get a bit confused when—’