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Back When I Lost You Save as PDF
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

‘You’re going to have to get rid of her.’

‘But how?’

‘Hasn’t Eve been any help?’

‘No. All Eve cares about is protecting her own back.’

‘Well, she’s another one we need to get rid of, but first let’s sort the baby. You just need to use your initiative like you did with Connor. Which, by the way, I didn’t know you had in you. Well, obviously that’s not true, but I thought that ship had long since left the port, if you know what I mean.’

‘I didn’t enjoy it, Aoife.’

‘Really, not even a little? Not when you pictured Alf’s face there instead of Connor’s?’

I hadn’t seen his face. I’d attacked from behind. Once a coward, always a coward. He’d been out cold from the get-go, helped along by alcohol, no doubt, and it hadn’t felt like I was killing a man. He hadn’t moved, save for the movement from my blows, and so it felt more like killing a rat than a human – the way you keep on hitting even after you know it’s dead, just to make sure it doesn’t jump up and bite you.

I take the empty bottle to the sink and open the cupboard below. Taking out a plastic bag, I wrap the bottle in it and shove it far to the back before putting the half-full one back in the fridge.

‘Night, then.’ She sounds sulky, but I’m too tired to care.

‘Don’t be mad at me, Aoife. I miss you.’

‘I know you do.’ Her voice is softer now. ‘I miss you too.’

I stand in the kitchen, moonlight catching the edges of the sink. ‘I’ll find a way to sort our baby.’

‘Thank you.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I know you are.’

I want to cry. To lie on the floor and howl like I did in the home, sobbing until I was so exhausted I fell asleep, the crusty old carpet poking into my skin. I want oblivion.

‘Go to bed, my lovely,’ Aoife whispers in my ear. ‘See you in your dreams.’

Forty-seven

Nell woke to the sound of workmen drilling the pavement outside, a taste of alcohol in her mouth, and an imprint of the sofa on the side of her face. Pulling herself upright, she took in the discarded wine bottles and the makeshift ashtray on the window seat, all of which brought with them seeping memories of last night.

‘Hey, you’re awake. I’ve got you a coffee.’ Carla held out a mug and smiled. Her hair was perfectly styled, her lips red, and Nell cursed her for being so together after all they’d drunk.

‘Thanks.’ She took the coffee and sipped, wincing at the burn on her tongue. ‘You OK?’