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Back When I Lost You Save as PDF
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

‘There’s more chance of us being seen if there are two of us.’

I look down at the baby, who is perfectly asleep, a small bubble of milk on the side of her lip. I dab it with the blanket.

‘You know I’m right. And then after the court case, we’ll go too.’

‘Will she be safe, where you take her?’ My voice is so small I can barely hear it.

He nods.

‘And you have the bag with all her stuff and the note explaining which toys she likes?’

Again, he nods.

‘Do you think she’ll ever come looking for us?’

‘Maybe.’

‘What would we do?’

‘I honestly don’t know. I suppose it would depend on what she wanted from us.’

I look at Joanne, who is starting to wriggle, and wonder what she will be like when she’s big. I get a sudden punch to my heart at the thought she’ll meet a man like Alf or that her new mum won’t want her when she’s older. I start to cry. I can’t stop anything bad happening to her, just like I couldn’t stop it happening to Aoife.

‘Mary …’ He’s speaking softly in my ear. ‘I’m going to have to go.’

I hiccup back a tear and look at Joanne. ‘I love you,’ I say. ‘I love you so much, and your mummy was the best thing to ever happen to me. But she was wrong when she said you are our baby. You’re not, you’re hers, and all I can do is make you safe.’ I stroke the top of Joanne’s head, hair soft like down. ‘She would’ve loved you to the moon and back every single day and so would I. I’m so sorry I took her away from you and that I won’t be there in her place. Please don’t hate me when you grow up and please don’t try to find me, because I’m not worth it.’

I start to cry again, so much I find it hard to breathe. I kiss her on the head, tuck the blanket in tightly around her, and hold her up to him. He leans down to kiss my cheek, but I turn my head and our lips meet. We stay like that for a moment, holding on tight to each other, with Joanne close between us.

Then he’s gone, and with him the only thing holding me to this life.

Fifty-two

Ian Fowler flung open and door and glared out at them. ‘What?’

Nell decided to match his directness with her own. ‘There’s been a development in the O’Brian case.’

‘And?’

‘So we’d like to speak to your wife, please.’ It wasn’t a question and Fowler knew it.

‘She’s asleep at the moment.’