Chapters (81)
- Cover
- About the Author
- Dedication
- Prologue
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-one
- Twenty-two
- Twenty-three
- Twenty-four
- Twenty-five
- Twenty-six
- Twenty-seven
- Twenty-eight
- Twenty-nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-one
- Thirty-two
- Thirty-three
- Thirty-four
- Thirty-five
- Thirty-six
- Thirty-seven
- Thirty-eight
- Thirty-nine
- Forty
- Forty-one
- Forty-two
- Forty-three
- Forty-four
- Forty-five
- Forty-six
- Forty-seven
- Forty-eight
- Forty-nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-one
- Fifty-two
- Fifty-three
- Fifty-four
- Fifty-five
- Fifty-six
- Fifty-seven
- Fifty-eight
- Fifty-nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-one
- Sixty-two
- Sixty-three
- Sixty-four
- Sixty-five
- Sixty-six
- Sixty-seven
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgments
- Read More
- Prologue
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Follow Merilyn online
- Dedication
‘We really wanted children, Carla, but each one wasn’t meant to stay with us.’ He gave a little laugh. ‘No wonder, really.’
She stayed silent.
‘Then when Joanne came back she felt like it was Aoife returning and she couldn’t face the physical manifestation of what she’d done.’
They sat in silence for a few more minutes until Carla stood. ‘I have to go now.’
‘I know.’
‘I lied to my team for you, Gerry. I put myself between you and them because you mattered so much to me and I refused to believe you could be anything other than a good man. And then you lied to me and manipulated me.’ Her heart pounded with each word. ‘That’s the worst bit. You used me to protect yourself.’
Gerry tried to reach out for her hand. She pulled it back and shook her head, emotion getting in the way of words she wanted to say.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said.
They sat for a few seconds, listening to the beeping of machines and the chatter of the nurses. She took his hand.
‘I know you are.’
He pulled her hand to his face and held it to his cheek. ‘Promise me you’ll look after yourself?’
‘I promise.’
He smiled, and she returned it.
‘I have to go.’
Gerry let go of her hand and nodded. She tried to ignore the tears in the corners of his eyes.
‘Bye, Gerry.’
‘Bye, Carla.’
She gave him the biggest smile she could manage and then, desperately fighting the urge to cry, turned and left.
Sixty-seven
Nell woke to find Paul asleep in the chair by her bed. She couldn’t decide if that was a welcome sight or not. Her shoulder ached but the pain was bearable, thanks, she assumed, to the morphine drip in her arm. She lay still, listening to the regular beep of the machine next to her, and tried not to picture Joanne’s eyes as she died.
Nell put her hand to the bandages wrapped across one shoulder and thought instead of the flashing images: the ambulance siren as the medic worked on her, the fluorescence of the hospital lights as they rushed her to theatre, the urgency of the doctors’ voices.
The heart monitor beside her quickened its beat. She remembered the hand of the anaesthetist pressing down on her throat so she wouldn’t vomit and then choke on it. The look on their face as they pushed the anaesthetic into her veins until they faded out of view.
She couldn’t breathe. She grabbed at the bedcovers, desperate for air, but the panic was crushing it out of her. Shit. Breathe. She tried to sit and reach the phone on the table by the foot of her bed, but the heaviness of her shoulder pulled her back. She still couldn’t breathe. She didn’t want to die. She’d survived. Don’t let me die.