Chapters (81)
- Cover
- About the Author
- Dedication
- Prologue
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-one
- Twenty-two
- Twenty-three
- Twenty-four
- Twenty-five
- Twenty-six
- Twenty-seven
- Twenty-eight
- Twenty-nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-one
- Thirty-two
- Thirty-three
- Thirty-four
- Thirty-five
- Thirty-six
- Thirty-seven
- Thirty-eight
- Thirty-nine
- Forty
- Forty-one
- Forty-two
- Forty-three
- Forty-four
- Forty-five
- Forty-six
- Forty-seven
- Forty-eight
- Forty-nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-one
- Fifty-two
- Fifty-three
- Fifty-four
- Fifty-five
- Fifty-six
- Fifty-seven
- Fifty-eight
- Fifty-nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-one
- Sixty-two
- Sixty-three
- Sixty-four
- Sixty-five
- Sixty-six
- Sixty-seven
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgments
- Read More
- Prologue
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Follow Merilyn online
- Dedication
I hold my breath, begging them to understand it wasn’t me, that I would never kill the only child who lived to draw breath after so many others tried and failed.
‘Guilty, Your Honour.’
Someone shouts from the gallery, someone cheers, and the jury’s faces merge to become one giant blinking eye with a finger below that jabs at my chest, pushing all the air from my lungs. I grasp the sides of the box and bow my head, sucking in the lost air until I am fit to burst with it. Then I stand and let it back into the room.
‘I DID NOT KILL OUR BABY.’
Acknowledgments
As it’s taken eight years to get here, I have a lot of people to thank, so brace yourselves for a Gwyneth style Oscar acceptance speech.
Clare Mac. Can you believe it? Turns out all those years of ranting over email about ChipLitFest was worth it. Long may our rantings continue. Fanny Blake, I honestly don’t think I’d have made it here if it weren’t for you and Womentoring. I’m endlessly thankful for all you taught me. To the first crime writers I ever really met – Steve Mosby, Eva Dolan, Mark Edwards, Chris Ewan, Stav Sherez, Martyn Waites – thank you for your constant support, and to Mark Billingham for being the legendary quiz master. Thanks to Rosy, Emily, Jessica and Laura (don’t argue about the order) for always pushing me forward and believing in me. Thank you to my Wilkes family and the Gordon-Browns for being almost as excited about this as me. To the Hanborough Massive for your encouragement (and drinking abilities), and the women at Ox City Council, and Mike, for making the job so much fun. Thanks also to Dom for the last minute name steal (Roger this is my atonement for all the Ox Mail articles). I often write in pubs so I also need to thank The Yeoman in Freeland, The George and Dragon in Hanborough, The Chequers in Cassington and The Kings Arms in Woodstock, and thank you to The Three Horse Shoes in Hanborough for your late night whiskey when it all got a bit much. To the residents of Freeland and Hanborough, thank you for electing a crime writer to represent you; it’s an absolute privilege.
Almost finally (but not quite) thank you to Becky for taking me on and believing in me. You’ll never know how much the words ‘oh yes, the admin bit? I’ll send you over a contract,’ meant to me! To Emily and Sonny, editing with you has been the most exciting part of this whole journey. I’ve learnt so much and enjoyed it all – except the copy-edit bit (thanks for bearing with me over my ‘that’ breakdown) but I’m thankful for the copy-editor’s thoughtful comments, as well as to the designer of my cover, which is brilliant.