Back When I Lost You
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

‘And what happened then?’ Paul asked the pair. It was Kelly-Anne who replied; always Kelly-Anne, Nell noted.

‘And then she stopped crying.’ Kelly-Anne gave a small shrug. ‘So we left her. I mean, that’s what was supposed to happen, wasn’t it? That’s what the books say – you leave them to cry, then they learn how to put themselves to sleep, so we thought she had.’

Nell pictured the tiny body in the cot and wondered how anything that small could learn anything from being left alone in a room screaming – other than it wasn’t loved – but she kept her mouth shut. The less she said, the more they would, and give them enough rope they might just hang themselves with it.

‘So we left her for about an hour.’ She looked to Connor with a pleading expression. ‘And then you went to check on her, didn’t you?’

When Connor raised his eyes, Nell saw no grief, just a challenge to her to prove what he was about to say was wrong.

‘Yeah.’ The strength in his body was not reflected in his voice and its pitch took Nell by surprise.

‘Go on,’ Paul said.

Connor shrugged.

‘And the kid wouldn’t wake up. I shook her and sort of pushed at her chest –’ he imitated the movement with his hands, ‘– like I’ve seen on TV and that, but I couldn’t get her to wake up.’

Connor sounded uninterested, the words rehearsed, but Nell could see from the twitch in his knee he was nervous. She leaned forward.

‘So, you shook Georgie?’

Connor held her stare. ‘No, I gave her a little shake to wake her up.’

‘Is that usually how you wake your daughter, Mr O’Brian?’

Connor folded his arms, flexed his muscles. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘No, actually, I don’t.’

Nell watched Kelly-Anne put her hand on Connor’s arm and him shrug it away. The young woman turned to Nell, her face full of desperation.

‘He’s a good dad – he didn’t do anything to Georgie, I promise.’

‘Were you there with Mr O’Brian when he shook her?’

Before she could reply, Connor stood. His height seemed to suck the air from the room and Kelly-Anne shrank back in the face of it.

‘I didn’t bloody shake her.’ He pointed down at Kelly-Anne, red blotches on his face spreading down his neck. ‘This is all your fault, you stupid cow. If you’d just woken her when I said.’

Paul stood and held out both hands to calm the situation. ‘Mr O’Brian, no one is saying you shook your child to hurt her. Please sit back down.’

When he didn’t move, Kelly-Anne reached up to him and tugged for him to comply. When he still didn’t sit she looked imploringly at Nell.

‘He shook her to wake her, not kill her.’