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Back When I Lost You Save as PDF
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

As Bremer unclicked his seat belt, the front door opened and Joanne Fowler emerged, followed by her husband, Ian. Standing on the top step, she was wrapped in an oversize cardigan despite the midday heat, her husband’s arm wrapped protectively around her. She looked just like the photo Carla had hastily shoved in the glove compartment, but smaller, like a tiny frightened mouse.

‘Ready?’ Bremer asked.

She wasn’t. She felt her heart start to race and her hands get clammy. She took a breath.

‘Ready,’ she said, and climbed out of the car.

Six

Then

The day I meet Aoife is the day I’m taken into care, which means the best thing that’s ever happened to me also coincides with the worst. I’m not sure which I would give up – finding her or losing my mum – but then I don’t have a choice. I learned that the moment they put me in the back of a car and drove me away.

On the plus side, the room they put me in is bigger than nine at home. There’s a bed in the far corner against the wall, but the one I’m sat on sticks out at a right angle. Both beds are waiting to be made and I panic when I realise I’m expected to make it on my own. I’ve never made a bed – mum always did it for me – so I try to reassure myself I can figure it out, but the panic keeps building and it makes me want to cry, because I miss my mum.

I start to unpack the little I was allowed to bring: a teddy, my Walkman and two cassettes, a little bottle of cheap perfume Mum got me last week and the earrings I took from her nightstand. She’ll kill me when she sees they’re gone, but she wears them every day and I wanted them to remind me of her.

I roll the large studs across my palm. They have dulled with age and the gold is starting to rub off. I smell them, breathing in the smell of Mum’s perfume, but this makes me want to cry more so I put them in the drawer by my bed and tell myself I’ll be able to give them back when I next see her. I try not to think about how long that will be.

Finished, I sit back down and look around the room. It’s at the top of the house and the windows are small, covered by a layer of yellowed lace, and the wallpaper – faded pink and blue flowers on a cream background that may once have been white – is peeling in places, revealing a creeping black mould. I feel cold just looking at it. Pulling my cardigan around me, I decide to go downstairs, although it takes me a while to feel brave enough.