BooksBarbecue
Back When I Lost You
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

‘Maybe we shouldn’t go back?’ As the words come out I know I shouldn’t have said them because Aoife turns and looks at me with total disbelief, which soon turns to anger.

‘It’s all right for you, you’ve got your mum.’ She holds up her hand to stop me speaking. ‘No one is going to turn up in my life and rescue me like a bloody fairy princess.’ She holds her stomach. ‘I’ve got this to think about now. It’s his baby – he’s going to have to love it.’

We both know that’s not true; we are both examples of the lie that every parent loves their child. But what if he does? What if Alf does want the baby and him and Aoife become a family? Where does that leave me?

‘I’m going to tell him,’ Aoife says, ‘about the baby.’

My stomach lurches. I put down what’s left of my food. I try to be calm. On the one hand it’s getting obvious, so it would be better to tell him before he guesses. Then we’ll be in control. But on the other we risk losing him before we’ve even got him back and I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet.

But there has been an absence in Aoife recently, like she’s gone to a place I can’t visit even if I wanted to, because that place is curled up around the baby in her womb. I miss her and sometimes it feels like I’ve lost her already and that thought takes all the wind from my lungs.

‘Come on, let’s go.’ Aoife stands, trying to brush away the mood that’s fallen, but we walk towards the café in silence. When we see its lights, she stops and takes my hand.

‘I won’t let him hurt you. If he tries, I’ll go to the police myself. There won’t be more fists or burns. I promise.’

I try not to cry. I think of the mark on my shoulder that has never gone away, branding me as his, and the bruises on my thighs which come and go like night and day.

‘Aoife—’

But before she can answer, the café door opens and there’s Alf in the doorway, blocking out the light.

‘Nice to see you, girls.’ His voice feels as familiar as my own, like coming home to a warm cosy fire and a cup of hot chocolate in front of the TV. My shoulders relax and I let myself be hugged, burying my face into his jumper, smelling cooking and cigarettes, whisky and wine.

As Aoife hangs back I gesture for her to come forward.

I feel sure in this moment it is going to be all right. Alf loves me too and nothing, not even a baby, is going to get in the way of that.

Thirty-seven