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Back When I Lost You Save as PDF
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

‘How could you think that? How could I not want a baby with you? You’re kind and loving and patient and funny …’ She reached over to him, but he pulled back; the rejection felt like a slap.

‘Of course I want a baby with you,’ she continued, desperate to persuade him, to convince him it wasn’t him, it was her. ‘And I was coming home to tell you, to tell you about the pills, to explain I just don’t want one now.’

‘How do I know? How do I know anything you say is true any more? You could be shagging half of Thames Valley for all I know.’

‘Baz!’ How could he accuse her of that? She felt the conversation spiralling out of control and tried to pull it back. ‘Baz. Come on. Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit? I’m just not ready yet, that’s all.’

‘That’s all? You lie to me for months and “that’s all”? And I’m “overreacting”?’ he shouted.

They stared at each other. A stand-off. Then he stood. ‘I’m going to Mum’s.’

She panicked: what would his mum say? Would she make him understand? Tell him he was being ridiculous and to go back home? Or would she hate Carla like Baz now did?

She followed him down the hall, emotions burning away all pride. ‘Please don’t go. Stay and we’ll get wine and a takeout and talk things through. Please, Baz.’ The panic surged as he reached for his bag. She couldn’t let him leave. Whatever happened, she had to stop him leaving. She reached to take hold of his arm. ‘Please, surely we can get over a small packet of pills?’

His back was to her but he paused. She grabbed the opportunity. ‘I love you, Baz. We’ll have hundreds of kids one day. You, me, kids … them running across the beach while your mum and you chase them and I hide under a sunshade.’ She tried to conjure up all the dreams they’d made, the future memories they’d already created. If she could just piece together the right words, he wouldn’t leave. ‘Please stay – we can talk about it, work it out. I’ll stop taking the pill.’ But even as she spoke, she knew it was the one word she shouldn’t have said.

Shaking off her grip, Baz reached for the latch, and before she could get any more words out he’d walked out of the flat and slammed the door shut between them.

Twenty-seven