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Back When I Lost You Save as PDF
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

I know why she doesn’t want him driving us. It’s because he’ll see where we live and then we’ll just be another pair of care-home girls – rejects, unlovable, unwanted – and she wants to hold on to us just being us for a little bit longer. And I want to as well. I feel like I’ve been floating around on the edges, like it wouldn’t matter if I just upped and died, because who would notice? Who would care? But here in this café, I feel seen. I’m stapled to the floor, I belong, and I don’t know if it’s being here with Aoife, or the way Alf listens to us chat – as if what we say really matters – or just sugar from all the waffles, but it’s how I feel and I like it.

Alf reaches for his car keys and I see a flash of panic from Aoife, but suddenly I know Alf won’t mind where we’re from, I just know it. I tug at her sleeve. ‘Come on, it’s fine.’

She looks doubtful, but then Alf says, ‘Big house on the end of Roseway Drive, yeah?’

Aoife looks up and I grin. See, I knew it! He already knows where we live and while a little bit of me feels like we must have a stamp on our heads or something, the rest of me just feels relieved. He knows where we’re from and he doesn’t care.

‘What do you think of him?’ Aoife asks.

‘Fat,’ I say, and we fall backwards onto her bed, laughing. When we stop Aoife turns to face me, hand on her cheek.

‘What did your dad do to you to make you come here?’ she asks. ‘Can’t just be a broken arm – they don’t put you here for that.’

I feel the waffle in my stomach churn. When I don’t reply Aoife sighs and lies back down.

‘My dad did it too. I think most dads do. Men are just made that way, I suppose.’

I try not to think of mine, of his smell, the stubble on his face.

‘Did your mum know?’

I turn to stare at her. ‘No.’

Aoife looks unconvinced, so I repeat myself.

‘No.’

She gives a small shrug. ‘Most do, they just don’t want to admit it. I mean, unless your dad was really clever, but I doubt it.’ She yawns. ‘Mine didn’t bother hiding it and Mum couldn’t have cared less. Got him off her back.’