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Back When I Lost You Save as PDF
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

‘It’s all her fault. If she hadn’t come back, if she hadn’t contacted you –’ I swirl to face him, ‘– and if you hadn’t agreed to meet her, then maybe we could have found a different way. But now there is nothing left. She is proof of what happened that night on the beach.’

‘But she isn’t. She has no idea what really happened. She thinks you saved her life, Mary, and you did.’ His tone is rising with his sense of urgency. ‘You carried her to safety and saved her from harm.’

‘And look how she’s repaid me.’

Gerry throws up a hand and turns from me. ‘She just wanted to connect with the one person who knew her mum. Aoife.’

Hearing her name makes my heart shiver.

‘Please don’t do anything to hurt her.’

I wait for him to turn around but he remains with his back to me.

‘She has Alf’s blood running through her. Blood never lies, Gerry.’

When he doesn’t reply, I say, ‘I’m sorry,’ and leave.

It doesn’t take much to get into the house and as I walk around Joanne Fowler’s home I wonder what Aoife would have made of her daughter’s neat and ordered rooms. I walk in silence, studying every bit of proof she is alive: her pictures, the baby she lost, the husband she loves. I study the baby – can I see her grandmother in her? I believe I can, but I know it’s probably because I hope to.

A little further into the house I find her baby’s room, left untouched. I run my hands over the baby blanket, carefully laid over the edge of the cot, and turn the mobile above until it chimes. Love mixes with loss of hope in this room and the weight of it forces me to leave.

I wander back to the front room and sit on a sofa, the softness of which pulls me in. I lie back and close my eyes, succumbing to it. Could I have had this life, if Alf hadn’t owned me? What would it have looked like? Roast dinner on Sundays, holidays in France and walks in the mountains with dogs we had rescued? There’s no point in dreaming, I decide. The life I was given is the one I’ve lived – regardless of my origins. And I haven’t done too badly, except for the babies, and I deserved to have them taken. No woman deserves a baby when they’ve taken one from another, I know that now.