What do we learn from this story? [I’ve just finished telling a story about a farmer who has a pig with one leg. The story was not included in the final piece.] That we are either in harmony or we are in dis-equlibrium and alienation. So let us make a list in our minds: what are the things that make us happy, what are the things that make us sad. Happy? Buying a new car. Sad: doing our taxes. Happy: swimming in our swimming pool. Sad: paying the doctor’s bills. Happy: being on vacation. Sad: having to go to work. If we look at these things and we understand what they are telling us, we find a deep spiritual principle coming into play. And that is this: alienation is simply a lack of money. If we have money we don’t have these problems. So our first goal is to make sure that we understand that money is the thing we must have above all.

The final script goes like this:

The second thing you must understand is that we exist in two states. We are either in sync with the universe or we are out of sync with the universe. When we are in sync with the universe, we call this being harmonious. When we are out of sync with the universe, we call this being alienated.

We are either in sync or out of sync, harmonious or alienated. How do we know which state we are in? (Pause, smiles, shrugs shoulders) We just know!

So let us now clear our minds and still our centers. And let us contemplate these two states of being—harmony and alienation:

I am warm, I am happy, I am harmonious.

I am cold, I am angry, I am alienated.

I am swimming in my heated swimming pool.
I am harmonious.

I am doing my taxes. I am alienated.

I am buying a brand-new Lexus with all-leather interior. I am harmonious.

I am working three jobs to pay for health insurance. I am alienated.

I am flying first class to Saint Bart’s. I am harmonious.

I am going to jail for food stamp fraud. I am alienated.

If we carefully meditate upon these two states of being, we find a deep and abiding spiritual principle becomes obvious:

Alienation is simply a lack of money.

And, of course, the corollary:

Money brings deep and abiding harmony.

When we have money, our days are full of sunshine, the air is fresh and clean. We love everyone we meet. And everyone loves us.

When we lack money, we become empty and angry. We listen to overly loud music. And we are frequently constipated.

And so each and every one of us is on a path and must answer the eternal question: “How do I get more money?”

This is the path that I am on. That is why you are here tonight.