Eric, come on in. Siddown. Siddown. (Points to chair) So happy you could take the time from your busy schedule to come by. Siddown, siddown. You want anything to drink? We got it all, espresso, soy milk, guava juice, water from a melted glacier, whatever you need. Hold on a second. (Call ing off) NAOMI! Would you come in here for a moment please? You met Naomi on your way in. She’s your biggest fan, has pictures of the plane crash tacked up all over her desk (Introducing them to each other) This is Naomi, my brilliant assistant. What would you like, Eric? Just coffee? How do you take that? With milk? (Walks around the chair, gestures toward Naomi, as if she’s standing before them) You know, Eric, Naomi just graduated from the film school at Columbia University. Studied with Milos Foreman. How about that? She’s writing a screenplay about the history of feminism. Isn’t that something? (Gazes at “Naomi” with admiration; then abruptly) Coffee. With milk. Thank you. (Following her out; brusque) And, Naomi, did you call the guy at Range Rover? Did they get the stain off the seat? Follow up on that, please, Naomi. I got that Richard Gere benefit for the Dalai Lama tonight. (Returning to “Eric”) I can’t show up at a Buddhist benefit in a dirty Range Rover, now can I?

A beautiful girl isn’t she? Not that I’m about to make a move. Not these days. Not these days. You know, Eric, in the old days everything was different. We were changing the world and we were having a great time doing it. Made movies about important stuff, we shook people up. Blew people’s minds and then we got blown. Now everything’s about money. Where’s the fun anymore? What happened to the revolution? What’s wrong with a couple of lines, a little reefer, some free love? No, go to rehab, go directly to rehab, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred thousand dollars! No more fooling around for me. All I do now is lie on the couch like an old dog and lick my balls.

(Mimes grabbing a handful of something.)

You smoke cigars, Eric? Here, take one of these. I have a guy sends ’em up to me from Honduras. They’re so hard to roll, the peasants go blind making ’em. Enjoy.

But Eric, I want to tell you, we all watched it on the news, and it was so dramatic! We were riveted. The burning plane, the ambulances, the helicopters, the bodies in the snow. It was almost dramatic. And I turned to my wife and I said, “Michelle, I have to make this movie.” You understand? For me, for me. Not for the money. I don’t need the money. I have all the money I need. I could have you killed right now if I wanted to, that’s how much money I have.