betrayed me.

I remember I need to

say something.

I go back in

to their laughter.

I find my voice

and

spit it out

It’s not funny.

The store gets

Very Quiet

and I feel

light again.

I grab Dadi’s ice cream.

I remember what hope

tastes like,

a little sweet

and tart

like strawberries.

The Mirror

In the mirror,

I hide my hair

in a sparkly pink

chiffon.

In a dusty-orange

cotton.

And my favorite

an aquamarine-blue

silk.

I study who I am

who I am becoming

who I want to be.

Before

I would have thought

what Aidan thought

what Junaid thought

what Stahr thought

what Alyson thought

but now

I care

what I think.

I care

what I say

and it feels good.

I think of Ms. White.

I grab my pencil

and

start to draw

something unexpected.

The new me.

No Longer

I no longer

speak to Aidan

in class

and the only thing

he says to me

is

Uh sorry

your grandmother

looked scary,

dry laugh.

But it is not funny

to me,

I cannot dry laugh

with him.

I wish I could

pound pound pound

the gentle cowlick

of his head

but instead I fix my eyes

on the teacher

on the board.

Instead I let Brittany

do the talking,

be his lab partner,

which she happily does

and doesn’t notice me,

not once.

Lab

My anger doesn’t feel

so angry,

it feels sad,

it feels lonely,

because I’m supposed

to have a partner

and I don’t have one

anymore.

Trying Again

Two tables down sits

Brittany’s old partner,

who looks as lost

as I feel.

Want to work with me?

A sudden smile.

Brittany’s old partner

Emika

was very quiet

with Brittany

but with me

she talks talks talks

and my ears welcome

her voice.

When she turns,

her thin braid

winks at me.

Melty Circles of Joy

Stahr’s eyes are leaky

with tears

while she and her mom stay at

Comfort Suites

for a few days

before moving

to their new apartment

which is no longer 8 houses away

from me

but 2 windy golf cart paths

or 3 roads away

and 6 traffic lights.

Stahr’s tears stop leaking

when I lead her to the lobby,

introduce her to

Miss Polly and Miss Josefina

and to the freshly baked

chocolate chip cookies,

to melty circles

of joy.

Unwanted

After school

Stahr drives her golf cart

over to my house

and rings the bell.

She brings Mason too.

Mason, who she chooses

for a partner

in math class,

has chosen

for a partner

in real life.

Ammi gives me a look

her eyes saying

What is that boy doing here?

as she opens the door.

My face feels hot.

Too hot.

Don’t you know

girls and boys can’t be

just friends?

I know Ammi is thinking that.

But he is not my friend.

He is Stahr’s friend.

He is Stahr’s boyfriend.

Want to go with us

to Target? she asks.

No thanks,

pretty busy around here.