at the bottom of the pool—

focused.

Don’t look around

comparing yourself

to others—

especially when you’re in

the middle of a race.

That’ll make you lose your focus!

Got it?

Before thinking,

I pump my fists

and yell

YES!

Stahr giggles.

Coach Kelly’s mouth

smiles wide.

I like your energy, Nurah!

Where Is My Mother?

Before, Ammi would

come to our swim meets

and watch me

always finishing right in the middle.

Before, Ammi would

come to our swim meets

and watch Owais swim

always finishing first.

Now, Ammi doesn’t come.

She says her head hurts.

Does her stomach hurt too?

Does it miss the baby?

Almost Neighbors

Stahr lives only 8 houses away from me

but she doesn’t know how long she’s going to live there.

My mom is looking for a place away from my dad . . .

Stahr eats dinner at 5

and we eat dinner at 8

and tea at 5.

So when her mom is late

from work,

Stahr comes over

and waits to eat my mother’s samosas,

which are perfect hot triangles—

golden-brown pastries full

of spices, meat, and oil.

But lately,

my father is still

at work

making money

working hard to keep

“job security,”

and my mother stays in her room.

Stahr asks

When are we going to have samosas?

Where’s your mom?

I let the words slip out

heavy

My mother

had a miscarriage.

And Stahr who has too many freckles

and too many words

stays silent.

The Next Day

Stahr’s mom

rings the bell

at 5:33 p.m.,

and we still don’t have samosas,

or tea,

or anything really,

and sorry hovers

at the edge of my tongue.

But before I can say anything,

Here’s a casserole, she says.

I’ve never had a casserole before,

and when I peek at it

underneath the foil

the yellow layers

muddle me even more.

She asks to see my mother

Ammi, someone is here to see you . . .

And Stahr, who is just Stahr,

not a big sister,

or a small sister,

or any sister,

whispers,

Four.

My mom had

four miscarriages

before she had me.

Teatime

When Stahr’s mother

is over,

samosas are fried quickly,

jaldi se

tea brewed,

and my mother is not in her room

anymore.

Plans of Penelope

Monday Wednesday Friday

are the days that Stahr’s mother visits.

Penelope,

whose hair is orange,

but here they call it red.

And instead of samosas

they nibble on Munchkins

that she brings

and I see my mother

becoming who she once was.

Staying Together

Fajr

the prayer of dawn

Zuhr

the prayer of noon

Asr

the prayer of afternoon

Maghrib

the prayer of sunset

Isha

the prayer of night

Once more,

my mother starts to wake us up

for Fajr

and I don’t feel

the tension nibbling

anymore.

The other prayers

we pray together

and stay together

too.

The Surprise

Baba,

whose hours

are not so long anymore,

now that we are having teatime again,

now that my mother is almost herself again,