(the only thing that could be halal

on the menu)

through McDonald’s

drive-through

on

the

way

home.

The Moment

The moment the ultrasound technician

tells my mother,

I am eating an aloo kabab sandwich at school,

Owais is solving for x,

and our father has just made a big sale.

Teatime

I spread the butter

just so,

bury it under jam,

am slicing the crusts off my toast

when my mother says

I’m not having a baby anymore.

I stop slicing.

On the ultrasound, they saw an egg sac,

but there was no baby inside.

Ammi, I don’t understand.

This means there is a baby’s home,

but no baby.

I understand the baby.

It didn’t feel like the egg sac was

home.

It, too, didn’t want to join us

in a place that doesn’t feel like

home.

Part Five

The House

That doesn’t feel like home

yet

is changing.

The sink once hungry

and hollow

is now swollen,

throwing up dishes.

Dust hugs the corners.

Stubborn crumbs

stick to feet.

I squirt soap

into the shape of a

heart

onto a sponge.

How can I

take care of a baby

when I can’t

even

take care of a house?

Ammi’s voice is

a cracking eggshell.

Before her face gets

runny,

she walks away.

Fact: I have never seen

my mother cry.

Raspberry

I never liked

the taste of raspberry

anyway.

Google

A blighted ovum

known as “anembryonic pregnancy”

happens when an egg

(a fertilized one)

attaches itself to the wall of the uterus,

but the embryo doesn’t develop.

Cells develop to make the pregnancy sac,

but they don’t bother to make the embryo.

Baby Sizes

Mustard seed.

Peppercorn.

Orange lentil.

Raspberry.

Peeled almond.

Cherry.

Green olive.

Fig.

Lime.

Banana.

Squash.

Mango.

Corn.

Coconut.

Pineapple.

Watermelon.

Nurah Haqq

I am a little sister

who was never meant

to be

a BIG

sister.

Skype

When Nana and Nana Abu call,

I tell them the news

news that was once good

now bad.

Nana’s lips get small,

face turns down.

Verily to God we belong

and verily to God we return,

Nana Abu says.

Even though it’s all he says,

his voice,

his words

are pieces

breaking

into the sky

swooping

d

o

w

n

hugging Ammi and me.

Fajr Prayer Before Sunrise

I know it’s bad

because Ammi

doesn’t bother to wake us up early

at the white thread of dawn

to pray.

And I,

the lover of sleep,

sleep sleep sleep,

wake up with tension

nibbling my stomach.

Nana’s Worries

When Nana calls

and asks how my mother is,

I tell her fine alhamdulillah.

I don’t tell her

how she really is.

I think the way Nana

shrinks her mouth,

raises her eyebrows,

sighs,

she knows too.

Swim Meets

My skin

tingles all over

feet flex

arms swing

Coach Kelly

barks

Swim your fastest.

When you do freestyle,

and you’re not breathing for air,

keep your head still.

Make sure your eyes are