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Back The Infinite Noise Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  69. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  70. Newsletter Sign-up

“I wish Adam had been there.” I breathe out, still taken aback by the truth of that statement. I didn’t know that. I didn’t realize that’s what had been missing. That I’d been vulnerable to Henry’s gross emotions because Adam wasn’t there. “It’s—it’s easier when he’s around or whatever.”

“It’s easier to regulate other people’s feelings?” she asks, and my skin itches at the question.

“Yeah.” I nod. “Yeah, it is. Is that—is that weird? That I like his feelings that much?”

Goddammit, another thing I didn’t plan on saying. That wasn’t what I meant at all. I meant to ask if it was weird that he made things easier but another truth came out instead, masquerading as a question.

“Do you think it’s weird?” Dr. Bright tilts her head.

“I think this whole fucking thing is weird,” I scoff.

“Caleb.”

“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know anything!” My hands flop uselessly in my lap in my exasperation. “I don’t know why Adam makes things easier or why I like being around him or if that’s weird or if I should think it’s weird or if other people think it’s weird. I just know that it’s been better this past month. Everything’s been better.”

The silent stare is aimed at me again—she knows I have more to say.

“And I guess I know that it’s always sort of been there.” I try to stay nonchalant. “Like, even before I got to know him, there was something. I didn’t—it wasn’t comfortable yet, you know? I didn’t know how his feelings fit inside of me but there was something about them. Well, ever since this whole thing started up at least. I don’t know that I ever really noticed him that much before. But then it was like … once my ability started up, it was like there was this buzzing feeling I could never turn off. It only got quieter when we were in the same room.”

“Was it a good buzzing or a bad buzzing?”

“It wasn’t good or bad. It was more that I just knew he was there. And then when I could tell his feelings apart from other people’s, I was … I was curious, I guess. There was something about it that made me want to know more. And that’s not usually how it is—normally, I just want to get away, be by myself. But, even when I don’t get what he’s feeling or he’s feeling crappy, it’s like his feelings make my own feelings make sense to me.”