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Back The Infinite Noise Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  69. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  70. Newsletter Sign-up

“I know, I’m sorry, I—” He swallows his next words again and it makes me want to shake him until they fall out. “I’ll—I’ll see you at school tomorrow, yeah?”

“What—”

“I’ve gotta go meet my mom. Thanks, uh, thanks for the hot chocolate—” He’s backing away now, color high on his cheeks, eyes darting around the way they do when he’s nervous. He’s about to bolt—the soft breeze has come and the fragile thing is being blown out of my hands.

“Caleb—” I start, not knowing what magical words could make him stay.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Adam,” Caleb calls out as he walks backward away from me, before turning more nimbly than I would have thought possible. I’m left watching his hunched letterman-ed shoulders rushing away down the brick path.

Only when he reaches the edge of the park do I remember that he paid for our drinks and yet he was the one to say thank you.

I might be shit at this whole “being a friend” deal.

27

CALEB

“And that’s when Principal Stevens broke us up and threw us out.”

I deflate further into the couch as I finish telling Dr. Bright my story. Her hands are folding in her lap, the crease between her eyebrows as pinched as when I started. The traffic-cone orange of her worry has softened a bit, turning into that glowing pulse that always reminds me of my mom. It’s cut through with the treacly syrup of pity. I want to snap at her, tell her I’m not some sad little boy who lost his temper, but instead I bite the inside of my cheek and wait for her to say something.

“You said you don’t remember pushing Henry the first time—what happened, exactly?” Her head tilts and the pity gives way to bubbly curiosity. I relax at this return to normalcy—Dr. Bright trying to figure me out is way more comfortable territory than Dr. Bright worrying about me.

“I don’t know, I just—I got so wrapped up in the anger, I guess. I pushed him before I even had a chance to think about it.”

“Was it similar to when you got into the fight?” The orange glow pulses stronger, pushing the curiosity to the edges. Dammit. Why does she have to care?

“No” is my knee-jerk response, but then I think about it for a second. “Yeah, I guess, maybe a little. It’s just hard when it’s coming from all sides, you know? Henry was angry and Caitlin was angry and so was I and that just made it impossible to push away. I know you’ve told me to try and separate my feelings from everyone else’s but it’s really hard to do that when I’m feeling the exact same thing.”

“Did Henry’s and Caitlin’s feelings feel like your own?”