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Back The Infinite Noise Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  69. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  70. Newsletter Sign-up

“Yeah, the vest and skinny tie for sure,” he mumbles, releasing his grip and folding in on himself slightly as he turns away from me. The fluttering feeling turns sour; the physical withdrawal tearing the feelings away with it. I pull my arms back and wonder at how hollow they feel. Like I just put my fingers into an electrical socket, making my whole body bright, and now I’m living in a primitive world lit only by daylight.

What the fuck.

25

CALEB

“You look really nice.” Caitlin smiles at me as she closes the car door behind her.

“Thanks,” I say gruffly. “Adam helped me pick it out.”

I have no rational explanation for why I say this other than it seemed important that she know. Credit where credit’s due and all that.

But that’s not totally it, is it? I bring up Adam because he should be here. I like Caitlin, and I notice she smells good as she walks toward me, but if there’s anyone I want to stand next to in a poorly lit gym, making fun of the DJ and avoiding our classmates, it’s Adam. I’m not really sure what to do with this information.

Caitlin is saying good-bye to her parents and I think her dad says something cringingly dad-ish to me as he waves. I respond on autopilot, but now that I’m thinking about Adam, my brain is preoccupied replaying that weird moment from last night. My body is remembering that butterfly feeling (mine or his?) as Caitlin takes my arm to lead me into the gym and new butterflies swarm into my stomach. The feelings clash like nails on a chalkboard and I try to smile and nod through the grimace I’m feeling as Caitlin smiles up at me and says something.

God, this was a bad idea. I knew this was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have said yes when she asked. Dr. Bright said that we could just go to the dance as friends but I know in my gut that Caitlin wants something more.

“Caleb, are you okay?”

“Huh?” My eyes refocus on Caitlin and I realize that she’s been talking for the last thirty seconds and I have no idea what she’s been saying.

“You just look … I don’t know.” Her face crinkles prettily as she hears herself admit that she doesn’t know something. Kind of a new feeling for her, I’m guessing. My mind instantly leaps to the fact that Adam is the same way and, goddammit, this was definitely a mistake.

“Yeah.” I nod enthusiastically to make up for the weird panic moving through my brain. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just, uh—I’ve got a headache, that’s all. It’s not that bad, though,” I add, feeling her concern warming my insides. It’s nice. I definitely prefer it over her butterflies.