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Back The Infinite Noise Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  69. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  70. Newsletter Sign-up

“Um, I—I don’t know that I am,” I stammer, before actually giving it some thought. “I guess … I guess I’m glad there’s an explanation for why I always feel like I’m missing something around you. You throw me off sometimes and that never happens, with anyone. This fills in that blank a little bit.”

“Good.” He smiles. “That’s good.”

“Yeah…” I trail off, my mind working at a million miles a minute. This is real. Caleb really can feel my feelings—all of my feelings. And it seems like he knows what they are even before I do. Which means, that earlier …

“Oh god.” I cringe, thinking about our moment on his bedroom floor just twenty minutes ago. And so many moments before that. He’s known this whole time. He’s known that I have a massive crush on him and that’s why he’s always so weird during those times, because he snaps out of it and realizes that he doesn’t feel the same and changes the subject and oh my god, I’ve never felt so humiliated in my entire life. And now he’s going to feel that and I have to get out of here.

“Adam, why are you feeling … embarrassed?” he asks, sounding uncertain. “I’m the one who—”

“I have to go.” I stand up quickly, edging away from Caleb like the distance will keep him from feeling my embarrassment. Is that how this works?

“Wait, what?” Caleb stands also, stepping toward me, and I try not to flinch back.

“I just—I need some time to process.” I start to turn away so I don’t have to look at Caleb’s puppy-dog face, but he grabs my arm, so that I face him.

“Are you—are we okay?”

“Yeah.” I nod, trying not to show my hurt. At least it seems like he still wants to be my friend. “Yeah, we’re fine. It’s just a lot. But I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?”

“Yeah.” He drops my arm, looking like I’ve just told him Christmas is canceled.

I mumble a good-bye and take off down the street, trying not to break apart at his unspoken rejection.

38

CALEB

My whole body is buzzing with nervous energy as I knock on Dr. Bright’s office door.

“Caleb, come in—” I don’t even wait for her to finish opening the door before I’m bursting through it, pacing back and forth in her office.

“Sorry, I know I’m early, but I just couldn’t sit around my house anymore.” There are massive waves of worry coming off of Dr. Bright but I’m too tied up in my own feelings to pay it much attention.

“It’s fine,” she says, closing the door and gesturing for me to sit down, which I completely ignore in favor of pacing more. “Caleb. Are you all right?”