BooksBarbecue
Back The Infinite Noise Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  69. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  70. Newsletter Sign-up

“A young man,” I correct for no good reason and because she hasn’t said anything yet. My own mortification is heating my insides up, burning out any other emotions I might feel from her.

“Hon, it’s okay.” She smiles. “Relax. This doesn’t have to be a big conversation if you don’t want it to be. But I’m also happy to do the loud and proud coming-out thing if that’s what you want—”

“Jeez, Mom, that’s not what I’m doing. I’m not—” I stop, realizing that what I was about to say isn’t true. “Well, I mean, I guess I know what I’m not. I’m not straight. I guess. I mean, I like Adam. And that’s good. So. Yeah.”

I wince at my rambling, relieved that she doesn’t need me to explain and yet trying to explain anyway.

“We don’t need to do the loud and proud thing,” I rush out, before backpedaling. “Not that I’m not proud. It’s not like I’m trying to hide it or anything. It’s just that…”

“You have bigger things to worry about,” she finishes. A weight lifts from my shoulders. If I didn’t know better, there are times when I’d think my mom was an empath too.

“Right.” I nod. “And Adam is cool with all that stuff, by the way. We’re—we’re good.”

43

CALEB

I want so badly for that to stay true. For Adam and me to stay good. But, because I apparently can’t catch a fucking break, telling him about me and becoming his boyfriend did not make everything easy. The honeymoon phase or whatever is over and we’re not the perfect couple that I’d been fantasizing we’d be.

I constantly have to remind myself that he knows about my ability. That I don’t have to hide. I’m training myself out of holding things back and it feels scary and unnatural at first. Like I jumped out of the plane and just kept falling, falling, falling.

He’s been there to catch me. Most of the time. But sometimes …

That huge, powerful ocean is still there. I thought I could banish it. I thought that not keeping secrets anymore, that giving in to our butterflies, would wipe the black days away. And it did at first. Those first few weeks—spent in my backyard just as spring had fully sprung—were perfect. I walked through my life in a warm, green haze. Adam was my anchor, keeping me from spinning out, and I was a boat for him on the vast, deep ocean that is his emotions, and things were so good that I started thinking about us in cheesy-ass metaphors, apparently.