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Back The Infinite Noise Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  69. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  70. Newsletter Sign-up

“It’s all too much!” The words are being simultaneously pushed and dragged out of my throat. “I’m barely dealing with my own feelings and then everything that’s been going on with you, I just—I can’t have all this stuff hanging over my head and fucking me up! What if I totally crack—what if your parents or the AM or Damien do something to me and I end up like Frank, my emotions totally out of control—”

“Caleb, nothing’s going to happen to you—” Adam, the idiot, takes another step, ignoring the basic human instinct of not going toward a wild animal when it starts foaming at the mouth. But a part of me is grateful for his movement because it spurs my own.

“No, don’t—” I step sideways, walking toward the office door. “I need to be alone for a while—”

“Okay.” Adam nods, looking at me like I’m a stranger. “I’ll walk you home.”

“No!” I blurt, terrified by the idea of taking all of this outside with me. “I need to be alone-alone. Just—just let me be for a little while, okay?” He nods again and a new wave of fear washes over me, pushing molasses into my veins, making it hard to breathe.

“And—” I choke out, “and don’t tell your parents anything else about me.” My voice is hard and I feel the edges of it cut through his fear to the blue place that’s always inside of him.

“Caleb, you’re acting like I betrayed you.” His eyes are shiny and my jaw clenches further, teeth pressing into and sliding against each other like shifting tectonic plates. “I didn’t do anything wrong, I lo—”

His mouth snaps closed and my stomach plummets. I can feel him wanting to shove the half-said words back into his mouth. I know that impulse well.

“You mean a lot to me,” he finishes. “I don’t want you to shut me out.”

My hand is on the doorknob, the vines dragging me toward where Dr. Bright stands panicked in the waiting room. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to turn away from him but I need to get out of the chokehold I’m in.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, opening the door and walking out.

50

ADAM

“Do you experiment on people?” I shout, the kitchen door swinging angrily on its hinges behind me. My parents turn to look at me in surprise. Saturday dinner is bubbling away on the stove and my dad is mid-pour from a nice bottle of wine. I want to break everything in the kitchen.

“Honey,” my mom says, a look of panic on her face, “what?”

“Caleb, he—” No, Adam, don’t cry, you don’t get to cry yet. You have to stay angry.

“That girl we ran into yesterday,” I start again, “Chloe—”