Bertie thought about this. He was an extremely truthful boy – indeed, the only truthful boy in his class, as all the rest of the children (as Bertie could not help but notice) appeared to lie whenever it suited them to do so. Tofu, of course, lied about most things, more or less as a matter of course, and Olive, although more circumspect, always twisted the facts to suit her, while vigorously claiming to be an occupant of the moral high ground. The occupation of that high ground was useful in disputes – as Olive well knew – as it enabled her to invoke threats of divine intervention should anybody thwart her.

Olive was always warning others of the consequences of dis agreeing with her version of events. Bertie, for example, who was said by Olive to have promised to marry her once they both turned twenty, was warned severely as to the fate that lay ahead of him should he renege on this alleged promise.

‘It’s not just that you won’t be able to look at yourself in the mirror,’ said Olive. ‘It’s not just that, Bertie. You’ll also be struck by lightning.’

Bertie was silent for a moment. ‘I’m not calling you a liar,’ he said mildly. ‘Sometimes people misunderstand what they hear. Sometimes they hear things that nobody actually said. That doesn’t make them liars.’

Olive fixed him with an intense stare. ‘Oh yes? And sometimes they hear things exactly as the other person said them. So when somebody says, I promise to marry you when I’m twenty, they hear that and they remember it. What about that, Bertie?’

‘I really don’t think I ever said that, Olive,’ protested Bertie.

‘Well, you did,’ said Olive. ‘You said it and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. Then you signed it.’

Bertie was shocked at this claim, which was outrageous even by Olive’s standards. ‘I didn’t, Olive! And, anyway, where’s the paper? Show it to me.’

Olive was ready for this. ‘You’re not going to trick me that easily, Bertie Pollock. If I gave you the paper, you’d tear it up. I’ve seen that sort of thing happen before.’ She paused, and then uttered a final warning. ‘And if you carry on lying like this, you know, your pants are going to go on fire. I’m warning you, Bertie!’