I got out of the car and felt that spring was in the air. My feet sank into the slush and I hoped I remembered right about where 41the open wellhead was relative to the cottage. At first I recognised nothing. The clearing that used to be overgrown with saplings and small firs was not an old clearing anymore. It had been tidied and the weeds cut back.

The size and age of one tree made it stand out among the others. This was the birch of my childhood and it stood where john’s and bror’s and everybody else’s maria had died with her hands clasped in prayer.

I clomped over to the tired birch. Compared with other trees a birch’s life is short and this one too was grimly destined to pass on soon. The uppermost branches had already died. It would fall over in the end or else lightning would do for it. My hand ran down over the carved childish letters that were still legible despite time. I read our names as the blind read braille. Bror’s then mine and then magnus roger katarina johan tony daniel and andreas all inside hearts pierced by arrows.

The names brought back memories of untroubled summer days. Cheerful kids carving names into the birch by the smalånger sawmill.

Just as I had long ago I now put my arms around the tree until I lost track of whether I was hugging the tree or the tree was hugging me. From the outermost edge of my blurry field of vision I saw another much more recent carving. John it said. John heart maria.

A cloud covered the sun. I had an appointment to go to. Feeling uneasy I followed my own footsteps back to the car. When I drove past the lane to eskilbrännström’s farm I forced my eyes to look straight ahead and accelerated. The tapeworm wanted an afternoon snack.

The anguish I felt made me need a shit. During the job interview my mouth moved automatically. Expressed gratitude for the 42opportunity to work with the council’s most needy dependents in their remote houses reached by potholed dirt roads. Despite my never having worked for the homecare service and having only a vague idea of what might be required.

You will start tomorrow said märitljungqvist. We get together here in the office and the lists and sets of keys are handed out. You are mariabrännström’s replacement. She was a warmhearted and appreciated person. You might not find it easy added märitljungqvist. And as she held out her soft hand in goodbye she added but we have no other applicant at present.