She sounded angry. I felt relieved though.

Hi diana I texted back. All families have secrets. Phone whenever. Love.

I was discharged two days later. I put my few belongings in göranbäckström’s carrier bag and set out to find the lift. I had to stop and take a rest several times.

John was waiting in the jeep parked in a bus bay. It was like a rerun of a film I didn’t fancy watching again. He got out when he saw me and held the door open.

It’s been snowing he said. I changed tyres yesterday.

He put my things in the back seat and even helped me with the safety belt. I inhaled his scent. It’s a bad habit. It is heavy with pheromones and demons. 273

How did you know I’d be discharged today.

I checked the time on my phone. Two o’clock.

I rang the ward and asked john said. Told them I was going to drive you home.

Why didn’t you phone me instead of just turning up.

You don’t even answer texts he said. Besides I’ve been phoning the hospital every day. Talked to the nurses to find out how you are. I thought I’d better leave you in peace.

You’re a coward. You’re ashamed. You try to hide. You cover things up. You.

He took a pinch of snuff. Wiped his fingers on his knee and turned the radio on. We listened to the news. Nothing special had happened.

Bror is back home again he told me. I picked him up in pite yesterday. He seems a lot better. Even had a haircut.

They kicked him out I said. We haven’t paid the bill.

We’ll see if he stays sober for any length of time.

He looked at me and at the road and then at me again. You’ve got some colour back in your cheeks he said.

What do you know about that I said.

I sat with you the first night in hospital he said. Göranbäckström rang me. I went home when diana arrived. I didn’t want to be in the way when you two met. How did it go.

I hardly remember anything I said because I wanted to keep that memory to myself. I was febrile and slept almost all the time. Apparently she went to stay with you afterwards.

Yes she just knocked on the door. Didn’t phone to tell me. She stayed the night and slept on the pullout sofa.

And where did you sleep I asked.

I didn’t. Just pulled a chair up and sat by her. Watched her sleep. 274

Something must have happened. The flow of traffic was slowing down. Then it came to a standstill.

Was it true what you said about petra I asked. Yes it’s true. But it doesn’t matter.