“If you’re trying to make a point, Mr. Khatchadorian, I suggest you do it soon,” the Lizard King told him. “I’m getting hungry.”

“Um… right. My point is,” Rafe said, “that Georgia was a model student until she came to Hills Village Middle School. And that’s my fault.”

“Rafe?” I was so surprised, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

My brother turned to face me. “I’m sorry, Georgia,” he said. “I know everyone thinks you’re guilty because I pulled so many pranks here. But”—he turned back to face the Lizard King—“Georgia is not me. Not even close.”

There was a long stretch of silence like a curving road leading who knows where. I stared at the Lizard King. He stared back at me. “Do you have anything to add?” Principalzilla asked.

I blinked, and Rafe disappeared.

You knew he was never really there in the first place, right? I mean, why would he be at my school in the middle of the day?

Still… it was a cool thought.

Crime and Punishment

What makes you think I did it?” I asked.

The Lizard King opened a drawer and pulled out a toad. “We have witnesses, Ms. Khatchadorian,” he said, popping the toad into his mouth. I could see the bulge in his throat when he swallowed.

“Oh,” I said.

I should’ve known. Bethany and Brittany were in the bathroom too. I guess they had noticed me after all.

“You’ll serve a week of detention, of course,” the Lizard King said. “And I’m requiring a visit with Ms. Jordan.”

“The headshrinker?” I asked.

“The school psychologist, yes.” The Lizard King’s forked tongue flicked in and out. “She knows your family history.”

“Oh, good, maybe she can help me with my genealogy report,” I said. (Not really. I said that in my head. Would you get sarcastic with a giant lizard?)

The Lizard King leaned forward. His breath smelled like August garbage during a sanitation-worker strike. “The next time you visit my office, Ms. Khatchadorian, I won’t hesitate to expel you,” he snarled. “I’ve had it up to the gills with the Khatchadorians.”

Well, I’ve had it up to here with this school, I wanted to shout back. But like I said, you don’t mess with a hungry giant lizard.

“You’ll be heading to Ms. Jordan now, Ms. Khatchadorian. And remember, next time I won’t let you off so easily.”

I stood shakily and fled from his lair, glad to be alive. But who knew what awaited me in the next den of despair?

Shrinkology

The minute I sat down in the chair across from hers, the school shrink gave me a warm welcome.

“Please don’t say it like that,” I told her.