Maybe middle school was starting to look up.

I Find You Offensive, Mini-Miller the Killer

I gently placed Mr. Bananas in my locker and floated toward my class. I was wrapped in a pink, fluffy cloud. Life was a chocolate mountain! Middle school was a bucket of sunshine!

“Hey, Limpy.” Mini-Miller grunted at me. “My brother has a message for Rafe.”

“Is it a fan message?” I asked, feeling my cotton-candy cloud start to melt.

“Nope. It’s a warning.” Mini-Miller leaned so close to me that I could see his nose hairs. “The message is, ‘Watch out, loser. I have friends at Airbrook Arts.’ ” He gave a snort-laugh.

I think I’ve already mentioned that nobody is allowed to pick on Rafe but me. Especially not after he helped me with the garage sale. And especially especially not on the Best Day of My So-Far Middle School Life. “Back off, Mini-Miller,” I snarled.

“What did you call me, Knuckle Toes?” Mini-Miller snapped. “What are you gonna do, limp after me?” He gave my shoulder a shove, and I stumbled backward.

Mini-Miller cracked up, and rage took over my body. I swear I’m not responsible for what happened next.

I froze, watching Mini-Miller hop halfway down the hallway. My first feeling was horror: I can’t believe I did that! My next feeling was excitement: I can’t believe I did that!

But I did! I kicked Mini-Miller in the leg!

Mini-Miller was still howling and hopping, so I stepped around him and started down the hall feeling more stunned and happy than when I’d won the regional spelling bee in fifth grade.

Rhonda hooted. She’d seen the whole thing. She held up her hand for a high five, and I slapped it. “NOW WHO’S LIMPING, MILLER?” she screeched as he hobbled away.

That made me smile.

I guess Rhonda and I are kind of friends.

Weird friends, but friends.

The Princesses

WHAT DO YOU THINK?” Rhonda squealed the next morning as she thrust a neon-green flyer at me. It was covered in clip art of guitars and sunglasses and music notes and said “WE STINK ROCKS OUT! Come check out the BATTLE OF THE BANDS at the HVMS dance. BE READY FOR AWESOME!”

I could just hear the parts in capital letters screeching at me in Rhonda’s voice.

“Um,” I said. What do I think?

I thought she was nuts.

I thought I didn’t want people to watch me humiliate myself.

“The neon green is hurting my eyes” was all I could manage to say.

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO THANK ME!” Rhonda said, crushing me in a hug. “I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO COME SEE HOW GREAT WE ARE!”

“We?” I repeated. I didn’t like the sound of that.

“OUI, OUI!” Rhonda pulled out a roll of tape and stuck up one of the flyers. “IT’S SO COOL WHEN YOU SPEAK FRENCH!”