“I feel you,” DeShaun says. I can tell he hasn’t experienced anything as strong as the bond Nas and I shared in the basement of his house, but I get that. Most people don’t live this lifestyle, so they don’t understand how deep it is to give yourself to someone in this way. It’s nice to have my friends back, but when it comes to understanding the dynamic of a BDSM relationship, I’m still all alone.

“Maybe my expectations are too high,” I go on. “Maybe reading all of Nas’s books before meeting him and experiencing him in the flesh has given me a false sense of reality. He writes fiction, and the person he presented himself to be was fictional too. Maybe what I’m looking for doesn’t actually exist, at least not in a way that’s healthy.”

“Don’t do that,” DeShaun snips. “Don’t lower your standards so that mediocre men can have a chance with someone out of their league. You’re worth more than that. If a Dom-sub dynamic is what you need, then hold out for it. Don’t give up. You might be a lonely bitch for a little while, but better that than an unsatisfied bitch.”

“Why do I have to be a bitch at all?”

“Bitch, please. Don’t play with me. You know what I mean.”

“I know,” I reply with a laugh that DeShaun mirrors. “You’re right. That’s why I love you, DeShaun.”

“I know! That’s why all of y’all love me. The whole crew would be lost and fashionably horrifying without me.”

“You’re absolutely right. I can’t even deny—”

“Alina?” a voice cuts in, disrupting our jovial moment. When I turn around, I’m shocked to find Vance standing behind me. He towers above me, standing in front of the row behind us with absolutely no regard to their personal space or view of the stage. Luckily the show hasn’t started yet or they wouldn’t be able to see a thing.

“Vance, what are you doing here?” I inquire with an obvious attitude.

“I’m sorry,” Vance says. “I know the show is about to start, but I was hoping we could have a quick conversation. I’m so sorry to interrupt. I’ll be brief, but can we just talk outside for a moment?”

“Vance, I’m on assignment. I’m working.”

“I know, I know. I’ll be quick, I promise. Please, Alina.”