‘Right then,’ Maggie announced, when the introductions were complete. ‘What a great group! You’re all wonderful humans, in my eyes.’ She really was an eccentric character. ‘First up, we’re going to discuss birth choices. But, before we go on, I have to tell you that nothing is off limits here. In fact, let’s just get something out of the way before we get in too deep, shall we?’ She paused and I unscrewed the lid of my water bottle, feeling self-conscious about what ‘getting in too deep’ might entail. Then she flung up her arms as if she were a cabaret singer ready to make an encore and cried out: ‘VAGINA!’ at the top of her lungs.

This was an inopportune moment for me. At the exact same time that Maggie made this dramatic announcement, I took a swig of water from my bottle. Instead of swallowing, the whole mouthful came flying projectile out of my mouth. A tsunami of warm filtered water sprayed not only down my top but also all down my jeans and on to the area of floor directly in front of me. I wouldn’t be surprised if Lin caught a light mist too.

‘Oh my God. Sorry!’ I yelped, trying hard to stifle hysterical giggles – my default reaction when in shock or when something embarrassing has happened to me.

Maggie looked at me in horror. ‘Are you okay, Aisha?’ she asked.

A brief silence was followed by a nervous titter, this time from Will. I wanted the ground to open up and suck me under. This was excruciating. Plus I was really quite wet.

Once I’d composed myself a bit, I nodded. ‘Yes, I’m fine, sorry about that.’ I dabbed at my face and top with one of the deli napkins from under my seat. At least the close proximity of the bag had come in handy.

‘Good dear, try to keep calm, we don’t want any early labours do we? There we go – I’ve said it,’ Maggie continued, ‘the V word. You’d better get used to it, ladies and gents. Now, after three, let’s shout it together loud and proud! One, two, three—’ She paused to looked around the room, especially at me, her eyes wide with excitement, as we simultaneously tried to avoid her gaze and stifle our sniggers. ‘VAGINA!’

There was nothing loud or proud about our pathetic, quiet chorus. I prayed to God there wasn’t a service going on in the chapel next door, then quickly realized the irony of that thought. I looked around the room to see whether anyone else was finding this hilarious. Will caught my eye and put his hand over his face, his shoulders shaking. ‘This is bizarre,’ he mumbled, between guffaws. Carol seemed a bit annoyed or perhaps confused.

Helen and Ian were looking at each other with pink cheeks. Lin and Susie seemed nonplussed, and Lucy seemed to be trying not to laugh too. I thought how hilarious Tara would find this. Shouting ‘vagina’ with a group of strangers was nothing short of ridiculous and I wished I had someone to cringe about it with.