In the morning, when Albie stirred, I lifted him out of his cocoon on the bed next to me and took him into the spare room to see if Oscar was awake. The bed was empty. My heart sank.

I heard the noises downstairs so I followed them, Albie in my arms. Oscar was making breakfast in the kitchen. He was wearing his dressing gown and nothing else.

‘Hello,’ I whispered tentatively.

‘Morning,’ he replied in such a monotone way I couldn’t second-guess his mood.

‘Is everything okay?’ I asked. Albie gurgled hungrily.

‘Lucy,’ he replied, turning to face me front on, ‘I’ve always loved you and since you’ve become a mother, I love you even more. You’re an amazing mum.’ He smiled at Albie and right on cue, Albie cooed back. ‘I’ve developed such a strong bond with Albie and I can’t imagine not being here to see all the firsts in his life. But I really wish you had told me all this before.’

The ‘But’ floored me.

I looked into his eyes. ‘I know, I wish I had too. But—’ A pause. ‘Can you forgive me?’

I was petrified of his answer. My question hung in the air. The suspense was almost too much to bear.

‘I’ve been awake half the night thinking things through,’ he sighed heavily. ‘I’m going to stick by you through this, Lucy,’ I sensed there was a caveat coming, ‘because I love you, and I’m in this forever. But you must never keep secrets from me. I’m not going anywhere right now, but I don’t want any more surprises. I mean it.’

I moved across the room towards him, still holding Albie close for reassurance, relief washing through every part of my body. ‘I promise. No secrets. I’ll always be yours. Thank you, Oscar. I love you so much,’ I whispered in Oscar’s ear. It quickly became moist from my tears.

Then his mouth gently touched my skin and I knew it was going to be okay. For now.

Chapter Forty

Aisha

When Joni and I got home, the place felt empty and cold. On my request Jason had moved out, no discussion, he knew better than to question me right now. Even here, it felt as though Lucy was haunting me; I remembered how I had caught her looking at our photos when she came here for the breastfeeding class. I bet she was desperate for a nose into our personal life. It sickened me to think of her here, pretending to be so innocent.

I took down all the photos of Jason from the flat. My eyes lingered for a moment on the Bristol FC photo, the one that had caught Lucy’s attention that evening at the breastfeeding class. It would have been taken around the time they had dated. I couldn’t bear to look at any part of him – the lips that had kissed hers, the hands that had been all over her body, the legs that had led her to wherever it was they had sex. Maybe it was in a hotel room, in a car, her place, don’t tell me in was in our bed – it could have been anywhere. It was so seedy. I didn’t want to know the details, yet I had a morbid fascination with thinking about them together. The thought of them having sex repulsed me, but I couldn’t let the image go. Fleeting scenes as if from a film flashed through my mind, much as I tried to push them away. I wondered whether it had been passionate. I always thought that Jason and I had great sex – it was regular, it wasn’t over in seconds, we could tease each other for hours if we wanted, there was dirty talk and sometimes role-play, pre-baby of course, and generally we both came. He satisfied me. But it was apparently not enough for Jason, he clearly wanted more.