‘A cot – can I just check I heard you correctly?’ I asked sardonically.

‘You did,’ he said proudly, moving a stray piece of hair that had flopped across my face. ‘I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but it’s like I’m finally really excited about all this. I was genuinely gutted not to be able to come with you today. I felt like I’d let you down.’ He paused. ‘But more than that, I felt as though I’d let our baby down. It felt horrible – and I don’t want either of you to feel like that again. I promise I’m going to be a good dad, Aish, I’m going to give our baby everything he or she needs – nothing will be too much.’ He looked down at my swollen belly and whispered behind his hand. ‘You hear that, little bean and your little placenta, wherever it may be?’ He glanced at me comically. I beamed. Jason had always been able to make me laugh. ‘I’m going to give you everything you need. Including a gold-plated cot, if that’s what you want. Well, maybe not gold-plated, but a super-cosy one. I love your mummy very much, you know.’

Although still not addressed directly to me, they were, at least, the words I had been longing to hear, but there was still a nagging worry: that Jason was managing to give the conversation a financial slant. He was still not over the fact his salary since moving back to London was quite a way beneath what he once earned in Hong Kong. Jason had been obsessed with earning money when we lived abroad; I had hoped things might change when we moved back to London, but when he failed to find a role with a large basic salary he put in for all the overtime available. I tried not to dwell on it, telling myself that all our baby really needed was love and his presence. And we were planning now, at least.

The conversation moved on to kitting out the nursery, and I downloaded the overwhelming list from Maggie entitled, ‘What to buy for baby and you’. It contained buggies, bottle sterilisers, changing mats, something called a ‘jungle gym’ and a number of strange gadgets – I mean, do you really need a machine to get wax out of the baby’s ear? I tried to push to one side the strong doubt that £200 would come anywhere near covering the cost of all this. I decided not to tell Jason about the money from Dad – plus the fact I might need to ask him for more – because I didn’t want to spoil Jason’s happy mood.

Chapter Five

Lucy

I had missed Oscar loads this week and it wasn’t just because of a mild concern that I might go into early labour and would end up having to ask our creepy neighbour to take me to hospital if I couldn’t make it into an Uber on my own. I missed having him around the place. I missed him wrapping an arm around what used to be my waist and planting kisses on my forehead. I missed his conversation.