There was a noise from downstairs as Joni woke. I dashed to her and when I stood above the pram and her eyes met mine, her whole face showed she was eager to play. She looked so innocent and happy, so completely oblivious to what had happened today, it broke my heart. I shoved the bag under the pram and we left the house again.

I called Tara and explained in as few words as I could that I needed to come and stay with her tonight, that I was desperate. I could tell she wanted to ask me what had happened, but all she said was, ‘Of course, I’ll be home in ten minutes. You can stay as long as you need.’ As I put the phone down a tear rolled down my cheek.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Lucy

Thursday 12^th August

Over the next two days I barely left the house, partly because Albie had come down with a shocking chesty cough, but mostly because I felt so anxious. All I could think about was whether or not I should contact Aisha, and the test results. I just wanted this to be over, but I was also fearful of what would happen next.

I wondered if a one-night stand could be classed as an affair. More specifically, whether Jason had called it an affair, seeing as we had known each other for so long and he had admitted he came to find me. Deep down, I knew that what Jason and I had could not be classified as an affair. I felt pretty sure he would describe it to Aisha as his ‘biggest mistake’.

I wondered, if the truth hadn’t come out, whether the secret would have killed Aisha and Jason’s marriage eventually, anyway. However you looked at it, there didn’t seem to be an uncomplicated outcome.

For me, it was more than a ‘one-night stand’. Jason had been inside my head for over twenty years. And in my mind we’d been having an emotional affair since that evening over a year ago, because he had taken over my thoughts so regularly. As painful as it had been the following morning, I could never regret the sex we had because, one way or another, the course of events over that twenty-four hours gave me Albie. So something went very right. But I needed to know the truth now, for Albie’s sake.

Things had gone quiet on the WhatsApp thread and in light of what was going on, I didn’t feel inclined to make the first move. Aside from the note about the mislaid dribble bib – to which I did not respond – and a couple of exchanges between Will and Susie about suspected hand, foot and mouth disease after a session at a soft-play centre, there had been no suggestion of meeting up. I stayed mute and so did Aisha.

Aisha played on my mind; her face haunted me. She would be devastated, and the last person she would want to hear from was me. Everyone in The Baby Group was going to hate me, that was a given.