Jason left so early I didn’t even have a chance to implant his features on my mind once more. He had certainly changed in twenty years. His skin was now slightly lined around the eyes, his nose a little wider perhaps, but he still had the same square jaw, dark eyelashes, thick hair, and the traces of the deep tan he must have got from spending all those years in Australia and Asia. I thought about how there was once a time when I had woken up half naked next to him regularly. Back when my body had been lithe and pure; when my heart had been full of hope. My fertility hadn’t even crossed my mind back then. I’d taken every morning with Jason for granted, sometimes rising before him and heading out to the uni campus, not giving him a second glance as I dashed out of the door because I felt secure in his love for me. I had barely slept in my allocated room in our student halls because I was always with him, squashed together in his single bed, sleeping entwined. I fell in love with him so fast and hard.

By the time I was ready to leave the house for the IVF clinic I was feeling a little stronger. Jason was the only man to have ever got me pregnant and, devastated as I was, after what he had told me this morning, I wasn’t going to let him ruin my second chance at becoming a mum.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Lucy

Tuesday 10^th August, present day

I walked halfway around Clapham Common, but couldn’t face going the long way back so decided to take a short cut on the path that went through the bandstand in the middle.

When I approached, my attention was caught by a couple on one of the benches to the right. The woman had spilt a cup of coffee everywhere.

And then I recognized them. It was Aisha and Jason, and they didn’t look happy.

Certain they hadn’t seen me, I spun around and walked, or rather ran, in the opposite direction. I didn’t care that this was taking me further away from home, I’d jump on a bus at the other end to be sure not to bump into either of them. My heart was racing fast. It didn’t look like they were having a cosy chat. I felt sick. Was that the moment – could he have told her?

When I reached home Albie was awake and in need of a bottle. It was a welcome distraction to cradle him in my arms and watch him make cute raspberry noises as he played with the teat of the bottle.

I kept my phone in sight on the kitchen island next to me and when it pinged it made me jump. I had a sense of dread. I still didn’t have his number saved into my phone, but I recognized the digits immediately. It confirmed my very worst fear. Just two words: