‘Someone had curry for lunch then?’ he remarked, smiling. ‘I did warn you to go easy on the spice.’

His comment made me laugh so hard, it turned into hysterics and soon I had tears rolling down my cheeks, until I wasn’t sure if I was laughing or crying any more because I was such a hot, out-of-control mess.

‘I can’t keep up with the washing!’ Was all I was able to mutter when I managed to compose myself.

‘I’ll take over, you clean yourself up and take some time out,’ he commanded, taking off his smart blazer, which looked so out of place in this environment, and rolling up his sleeves. Albie cooed innocently and waved his legs in the air, happy for the attention.

‘No, baby boy, I’m not a fan of the korma either,’ I heard Oscar coo back as I made my way to the bedroom to change.

When he had bathed and dressed the baby, they both came and joined me in the living room. I inhaled the top of Albie’s head – he smelt divine again.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered. ‘It’s just so hard sometimes.’

‘I know, my darling, it is hard, no one dares tell you that before you have them. But exploding poo is all part of the joyous parenting experience,’ he smiled. ‘Been there, got the soiled T-shirt.’ The creases beside his eyes appeared; they comforted me. Oscar’s lovely, kind and capable face. ‘Don’t put pressure on yourself to be perfect,’ he continued. ‘Perfection is futile right now.’

Gradually, as Albie had started putting on weight, I didn’t feel so guilty every time I gave up on my breast and forced him to take the bottle. And I didn’t freak out so much when we resigned ourselves to having a day at home, covered in poo. I clung onto Oscar’s notion that this was normal; that ‘this too shall pass’.

That evening, when I was sat with Albie snoozing on me, absent-mindedly scrolling around Facebook on my mobile and feeling pangs of jealousy as I saw photos of Katie on holiday in Mykonos with a group of girlfriends, the caption ‘Mums on the loose!’ beneath it, my phone lit up with a message. Although I had previously deleted the number, I knew who it was immediately.

‘We need to talk. This has gone on too long. Call me. Please.’

Chapter Twenty-Four

Aisha

Thursday 24^th June

Now that all the babies had safely arrived – finally a whole two weeks late, but just missing being induced, a bonny baby girl arrived by home birth for Helen and Ian – I got on the Baby Group WhatsApp thread and suggested a trip to the pub. I thought that wetting the babies’ heads and chatting about our feelings with the other new parents could be fun. I was genuinely pleased when there was uptake, especially from Lucy.

Me: How about seven on Wednesday at The Crown?

Will: Count us in!

Lucy: Great. I’ll see if Oscar can come too. Might help with the baby wrangling. x

Me: Yes, why not. Although I’m considering leaving Jason at home with Joni so I can escape for a couple of hours. Literally dying for wine and girlie chats!

Will: Ahem!

Me: Sorry boy chats too :-)

Susie: That’s a bloody great idea, I’m going to try to leave Charlie with Lin. Had a horrific night last night. I can barely see straight and I really need WINE!

Helen: You make me laugh. See you there, I’ll bring Ian to carry my wine glass, while Maddie (hopefully) sleeps soundly. It will be our first social outing! Hope you’re all ok. xxx

Susie: Lin wants to come too, so that means the Devil Colic Child will be there too. See you Weds. Goodnight to all!