‘Mmmm,’ he moaned. ‘Your tits are amazing.’

‘Just lightly.’ I took his hand in mine and slowed the pace, guiding him away from my breast and across my stomach. Luckily I had only just fed her, so I didn’t think there was too much danger of spurting milk as we got it on, but it felt pretty strange being groped in an area that was currently being used to keep our child alive. I struggled to put an image of a cow’s udders out of my head.

He slipped his hands under my nightie and pulled my knickers down. Things down there felt better at least and my breathing slowed. He entered me gently, cautiously, unsure how this was going to feel for either of us. It must have taken all of his willpower to move so slowly. My back arched as I felt him inside me.

‘Remember, don’t come,’ I whispered, thinking of Maggie’s warning that a woman can be especially fertile in the weeks following childbirth – and ‘Irish twins’ was the last thing either of us needed right now, especially me.

‘Don’t worry,’ he panted, ‘I won’t. God I want you so much. I fancy you so much.’

It only took a few gentle thrusts before he was withdrawing again, this time to come. It was all over within minutes – which, to be honest, was a relief. It was hard to feel properly invested in a lengthy shagging session when I knew Joni would be wanting another feed in about two hours, which meant only a small window for sleep even if I dropped off immediately.

‘Aisha,’ he said between rapid breaths, his eyes clamped shut, his arm wrapped around me. ‘I love you and Joni so much. I do, you know. I really hope you believe me.’ And then he promptly fell asleep.

Meanwhile I got out of bed, went to the bathroom for a quick inspection down below and hunted for my breast pads and a fresh crop top to keep everything in place overnight. As I lay there in the darkness, watching his chest rise and fall, and listening to Joni breathing steadily on the other side of me, it occurred to me that my body was doing an amazing job keeping everyone in this household going right now. And of course I believed Jason loved me and Joni – why would he doubt that?

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Aisha

Friday 2^nd July

I met Lucy in the same French café Susie and I had gone to a few weeks earlier. Luckily Joni was less of a fidget than Albie seemed to be; she had been content to snuggle into my chest for the best part of an hour, transfixed by the black and white pattern on the wallpaper behind me, as I’d one-handedly managed to scoff some scrambled egg and toast.

Albie had been unsettled, crying quite a lot and not taking the bottle well, and now he was back in his pram, grabbing for the string of toys stretched across the top just out of his reach. How frustrating it must be to be a baby. Lucy had disappeared to the counter to order another coffee. She could have called over a waitress, but she seemed agitated.