This time the urge to cry was too strong. As tears spilled down my face, Oscar got up and pulled me into his chest. He didn’t say anything, he just held me tightly.

I’d gone to the precipice of losing him and it was a terrifying place to be.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Aisha

Tara had proven to be a hero friend. Adept at multitasking, she had opened the front door to me with one hand and put a glass of red wine into mine with the other. Then she had taken the pram and picked Joni up, planting kisses on her cheeks. She’d literally scooped us both up that day.

‘You and Joni will stay here until you’re ready to leave,’ she’d commanded. ‘I’ve sent Hugo away for the night to give you some space, but he agrees with me that you should stay as long as you need. We’ve got every type of baby paraphernalia you could possibly need – that’s if you don’t mind Joni dressed in boys’ clothes. This is the twenty-first century. And you can borrow anything of mine.’

I had cast an embarrassed look down at myself, taking in my denim jeggings, black espadrilles and gingham smock top, barely able to remember getting dressed that morning, it already felt like a lifetime ago. The scarf I had wrapped around myself in case I got covered in paint at the pottery class, or needed to breastfeed, was clashing badly. Things had really slipped in the fashion department.

‘How do you do it?’ Tara had commented, seemingly oblivious to the hot mess before her. ‘No matter what happens, you always look bloody beautiful.’

I’d been relieved when her youngest, three-year-old Dexter, appeared between her legs, causing a distraction just as my eyes were prickling with tears.

‘We’ll get the kids down ASAP and then talk. We’re going to take good care of my friend Aisha and baby Joni, aren’t we Dexter?’ she’d said to the little boy who was blowing raspberries at us both. ‘Our friend needs lots of cuddles.’

When she’d looked up again, tears were streaming down my cheeks. Like flowing rivers, they would not be stemmed.

‘Oh my darling Aish.’ She had lain Joni back into the pram for a moment and wrapped her arms around me in a big bear hug. ‘It’s fine, let it out. You and Joni are safe here.’

We had stood like that for at least a minute, both afraid to draw away from the warmth of each other, because then one person might be expected to say something. It wasn’t easy to find the words, for either of us. But that was the beauty of being with Tara, we didn’t need words. Another few seconds had passed until Dexter had given Joni a prod in her pram and she had made her presence known.

‘Thank you,’ I had mustered, as my breathing steadied. ‘Oh Tara, it’s so bad – I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.’