Back If You Want to Make God Laugh
Chapters (103)
  1. Cover
  2. ALSO BY BIANCA MARAIS
  3. Dedication
  4. Map
  5. CHAPTER ONE
  6. CHAPTER TWO
  7. CHAPTER THREE
  8. CHAPTER FOUR
  9. CHAPTER FIVE
  10. CHAPTER SIX
  11. CHAPTER SEVEN
  12. CHAPTER EIGHT
  13. CHAPTER NINE
  14. CHAPTER TEN
  15. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  16. CHAPTER TWELVE
  17. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  18. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  19. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  20. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  21. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  22. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  23. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  24. CHAPTER TWENTY
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  34. CHAPTER THIRTY
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  44. CHAPTER FORTY
  45. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  46. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
  52. CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
  53. CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
  54. CHAPTER FIFTY
  55. CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
  56. CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
  57. CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
  58. CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
  59. CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
  60. CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
  61. CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
  62. CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
  63. CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
  64. CHAPTER SIXTY
  65. CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
  66. CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
  67. CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
  68. CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
  69. CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
  70. CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
  71. CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
  72. CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT
  73. CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
  74. CHAPTER SEVENTY
  75. CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE
  76. CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO
  77. CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE
  78. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
  79. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE
  80. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX
  81. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
  82. CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
  83. CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE
  84. CHAPTER EIGHTY
  85. CHAPTER EIGHTY-ONE
  86. CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO
  87. CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE
  88. CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR
  89. CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE
  90. CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX
  91. CHAPTER EIGHTY-SEVEN
  92. CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT
  93. CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE
  94. CHAPTER NINETY
  95. CHAPTER NINETY-ONE
  96. CHAPTER NINETY-TWO
  97. CHAPTER NINETY-THREE
  98. CHAPTER NINETY-FOUR
  99. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  100. GLOSSARY OF TERMS
  101. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  102. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  103. What’s next onyour reading list?

The first people to call us were our cousins from Ma’s side, who I haven’t spoken to in decades. I had more fun with the calls than I should have.

“Oh, Cecile. You’re still alive? How wonderful! Yes, I’m very well, thank you! Delilah is marvelous too . . . What’s that? You heard I’m adopting a kaffir child? Oh no, you absolutely must have misheard . . . Yes, I can imagine how relieved you are to hear that . . . In point of fact, I’m fostering a black child . . .

“It’s the new South Africa, Cecile. You can’t say the word kaffir anymore. With the way you speak, I would almost be forgiven for thinking you’re one of those racist boers who still has the old apartheid flag up rather than embracing the new rainbow nation one . . . Oh? You do? Hello, Cecile? Are you there? Hello?”

That’s how most of those calls went, with only the slightest variations.

In between the ones I got from people I knew were the scary ones from anonymous callers, threatening to do harm to us or the baby. If I was willing to sell the farm before, I’m digging my heels in now just because I’m being bullied. The idiots have somehow made me side with Dee. I suppose there’s a first for everything.

Today, the town sends in the big guns in the form of a holy man.

“Good day, mevrou. I’m Dominee Johannes Oosthuizen from the Dutch Reformed Church,” he says when I open the door. “You won’t know me, but you may remember my father, Dominee Hendrick Oosthuizen? I took over from him thirty years ago when he retired.”

“Charmed, I’m sure. I’m Ruth Richardson, but then I think you already know that. Won’t you come in?”

“Thank you.” He steps over an ominous black bundle at the door’s threshold and into the house, seemingly filling up every corner of it with his huge frame. Despite his age, which looks to be in the late sixties, Johannes Oosthuizen is a formidable man. At six foot two, and broad-shouldered in the way of rugby players and wrestlers, he looks like someone who uses intimidation to get his own way.

I offer him a seat on the couch where Jezebel usually sits, knowing that he’ll leave with half of the fur she sheds on his clothes. It’s a pity she’s closed in with Dee in her room, as I’d like to subject him to the Jez test; I suspect she’d bare her teeth at him just like she did with the Coetzee brothers. She’s a good judge of character, that dog. “Can I get you some tea and a rusk?” I ask since that’s what Ma always served guests in the voorkamer.