“Oh really?” Mongezi challenges then, an evil glint in his eye. “Then whose girlfriend are you?”

He knows as well as Zodwa does that to be called out as a lesbian is the worst thing a black woman can be labeled. It’s better, so much better, to be considered a loose woman—even one who sleeps with her best friend’s boyfriend—than to be known as a woman who’s attracted to other women.

If Mongezi shares her secret, if he tells his friends and the rest of the township what Zodwa is, she’ll become both a pariah and a target for other men like him. Men who believe that there’s only one way to cure women like Zodwa of their unnatural appetites. She wonders what’s stopped him from telling anyone up until now and can only conclude that he enjoys lauding this power over her. That, and he’s probably also worried that people might wonder about Thembeka’s orientation and what she might have done to attract the attention of such a woman as Zodwa.

“I’m no one’s girlfriend,” she says softly.

And that’s exactly the problem.

•   •   •

When Ace Boyi comes into the shebeen one day, bragging about the stolen goods he just off-loaded for a tidy sum, Zodwa pretends to be impressed by his small-time gangster status. Even though he isn’t a real thug, he’s still higher up in the pecking order than Mongezi, who doesn’t have any gangster affiliations and is five years younger.

Becoming Ace’s girlfriend means she will be off-limits to Mongezi. It will also prove him to be a liar if he tells anyone her secret since if Zodwa has a boyfriend, a real man like Ace, then it proves she can’t be gay. It doesn’t matter that her skin crawls every time Ace touches her. Or that she wants to cry the first time she lets him have sex with her. Pinned under him, she feels both sickened and relieved. Sickened that she’s degrading herself like that. Relieved that she’s finally doing something that’s perceived as normal. Perhaps the more she does it, the easier it will become.

The first two weeks with Ace are the hardest. Pretending to like him. Pretending to be aroused when she’s with him. He brings her gifts, luxuries like meat and toiletries, but instead of helping take the sting out of their relationship, it just makes Zodwa feel worse. Like she’s a prostitute who’s being paid for her services. And then he offers her a sip of his beer one night and she thinks, Why not?