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Back When I Lost You Save as PDF
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

I look to Aoife. She is sizing Alf up, judging how best to get him to stop. Crossing her legs so her skirt gets even shorter, she smiles. ‘Alf. Boys my age wouldn’t get a look-in. I prefer my men to be more experienced.’

I hold my breath as Alf considers her. The room feels hot from the oven and damp from the rain outside. I want to leave so much I have to dig my nails into my leg just to stop myself.

Alf claps his hands. ‘Anyway,’ he says. ‘What are you girls up to tonight?’

‘Nothing much. Any ideas?’ Aoife cocks her head to one side, resting her chin on her palm. She’s placating him in the only way she knows how but I see the look he returns and my stomach churns with the familiar fear. Leave it, leave it, Aoife, he’s stopped now. But when they continue to stare at each other, I stand.

‘I need the loo.’

Neither of them looks at me so I leave, pushing past the beaded room divide to reach the toilets that stink of damp and wee. I wet my face in the sink, trying to get rid of the feeling that presses against my chest. The girl who stares back at me in the mirror looks tiny and pale, her lips cracked at the edges, hair matted, dark circles ringing her eyes.

‘I just want my mum,’ I say to her and her face looks sad in return. I stand for a moment, hands on the sink, staring at the girl in the glass.

‘You’re just trapped like me, aren’t you? Stuck in there like I’m stuck out here.’

She nods and so do I. I hear Aoife laugh and it makes me jump.

‘Bye then,’ I say to the girl. But I don’t want to leave her.

‘Bye then,’ she says back, watching me as I walk to the door.

I go back to the table where Aoife is sitting close to Alf. His hand is on her thigh and she is laughing. It’s not her real laugh but I don’t think Alf knows that. It’s the laugh she will have done for every dodgy boyfriend her mum brought back to the flat – her survival laugh – and it makes me want to grab her and run.

‘Aoife?’ I move to the door. She turns to me, as does Alf, his expression amused.

‘We should go now. Homework.’

Alf laughs. ‘You pair don’t strike me as homework types.’

I can see a flicker of relief in Aoife’s eyes. She turns back to Alf, leans over and kisses him on the cheek, and I’m not sure if it’s a consolation prize or a promise.

‘See you tomorrow,’ she says, grabbing her bag from beneath the table. Alf looks irritated but flashes us his crooked teeth.

‘Sure thing, girls. See you tomorrow.’