BooksBarbecue
Back When I Lost You
Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-one
  26. Twenty-two
  27. Twenty-three
  28. Twenty-four
  29. Twenty-five
  30. Twenty-six
  31. Twenty-seven
  32. Twenty-eight
  33. Twenty-nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-one
  36. Thirty-two
  37. Thirty-three
  38. Thirty-four
  39. Thirty-five
  40. Thirty-six
  41. Thirty-seven
  42. Thirty-eight
  43. Thirty-nine
  44. Forty
  45. Forty-one
  46. Forty-two
  47. Forty-three
  48. Forty-four
  49. Forty-five
  50. Forty-six
  51. Forty-seven
  52. Forty-eight
  53. Forty-nine
  54. Fifty
  55. Fifty-one
  56. Fifty-two
  57. Fifty-three
  58. Fifty-four
  59. Fifty-five
  60. Fifty-six
  61. Fifty-seven
  62. Fifty-eight
  63. Fifty-nine
  64. Sixty
  65. Sixty-one
  66. Sixty-two
  67. Sixty-three
  68. Sixty-four
  69. Sixty-five
  70. Sixty-six
  71. Sixty-seven
  72. Epilogue
  73. Acknowledgments
  74. Read More
  75. Prologue
  76. One
  77. Two
  78. Three
  79. Four
  80. Follow Merilyn online
  81. Dedication

Joanne remains still, so I jab the gun in her kidney. She cries out in pain and half falls, half turns towards me.

‘Sit.’ I jerk the gun towards the bed and she does as she’s told. When she’s seated, I try to compose my thoughts, but the constant flashes of light into the room distract me. I need Aoife; she’d know what to do. I feel fifteen again, unsure, reacting to, not deciding, events, which are beyond my control.

‘Mary?’ Her voice is small and childlike, soft and gentle; light catches her face, like the burst of a Polaroid flash I saw when I was young.

‘Gerry told me I have you to thank for my life. How you saved me that night on the beach and carried me to safety. I came back to thank you. To ask you about my mum and what she was like when she was young.’ Her hands are shaking, her voice barely able to form the words as she pleads with me.

‘What was she like, my mum?’

I am back on the beach and I am cold. I have Aoife’s blood on my hands and I want to get it off so I rub it hard across my jeans, harder and harder until her blood mixes with my own.

‘Stop it, you stupid cow,’ Alf says.

I want to cry. I want to curl up next to Aoife’s body and make it warm again, wipe her face clear of death, breathe a smile back to her lips.

I am back on the beach and I am cold and I have Aoife’s blood on my hands. I can’t keep her warm; I can’t restart her smile, because I have failed us both.

‘Mary, I don’t want you to blame yourself.’ Joanne’s voice joins me on the beach. But I am still cold, so very cold. Where is Aoife?

‘I know why you, I mean Eve, put me in prison. I know your fear was if I came back, Aoife would somehow leave you. That she’d choose to go with me. I know you thought you’d be put in jail for your part in her death. But you must remember, you saved her child. You saved me.’ She tries to smile.

‘I’m cold,’ I say. The sea wind has reached my bones and they chatter to each other, telling the story of my betrayal.

Joanne slowly stands. She reaches behind her, her eyes all the while on my face, and pulls a blanket across.

‘Here.’ She offers it to me.

Sand from the beach is in my mouth, each grain like a tiny pill of salt. Alf is on top of me, his arm against my neck as I flail against him, trying to tell him I can’t breathe, but the sand gets in the way.