“‘Tussle’ makes it sound like we’re kids on the playground. It was a fight. You know, between men and stuff.” Even as I say it, I’m not convinced.

“Of course,” she agrees. Her mouth stays completely still, but her eyes light up with a small smile. She’s not buying my bullshit. It’s nice.

“I mean, I did give him a black eye. And his nose was bleeding pretty bad,” I add, like that somehow makes it better. The smile in her eyes goes away and her mouth gets tight.

“How do you feel about doing that?” she asks quietly.

“Not good,” I admit after a second. It’s not like I’ve never gotten into it with someone before. I mean, football is already a really physical sport, and then you add trash-talking into the mix and things can get kinda rough.

This was different though. Instead of running to tackle someone on the field—pumping my legs, bracing my body for the impact—it was like someone else got behind the wheel and threw my fist for me.

“Caleb, are you all right?”

“Huh?” I snap out of my daydreaming to see her watching me with concern. I realize my whole body has tensed up and I’m clenching my fists by my legs, driving them into the couch. I stretch out my hands, feeling the stiffness in my knuckles. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine.”

“What do you mean by ‘complete Hulk mode’?” she asks, tilting her head.

“I went total rage monster on the guy,” I say, thinking that oughta cover it.

“Does that happen to you a lot? You turning into a ‘rage monster’?”

The way she says it makes me want to laugh. But the laugh dies in my throat.

“Uh, yeah, sometimes. Lately. But it’s like—” I stop myself, trying to find the words while also wondering how much I should tell this lady. I’d already put on a big show about how it was just a fight, no big deal, but there’s something not normal happening to me. I can feel it. And even though grown-ups are always telling us that hormones make us crazy, this feels … worse than that. More dangerous.

I look at her again, weighing my options. She’s been pretty chill so far—way chiller than every other adult who’s tried to talk to me about this. Maybe she won’t even try to lock me up in some kind of loony bin.

“It’s like I’ve got split personality or something,” I say.

Jesus, Caleb, why did you lead with the craziest way of explaining this? Keep it together, dude.