“It’s always too quiet, you know? Like, too quiet and too loud.”

“How do you mean?” Her face scrunches up a little, like she’s trying to read something far away.

“I just get, like, stressed out. I have a hard time concentrating.” Dr. Bright’s face crinkles in sympathy and it gives me the courage to say more. “I don’t know, maybe I have ADD or something. I feel like I get distracted by the other people in my class.”

“What about them distracts you?”

“I dunno.” I shrug one shoulder. “They just … everyone’s always focusing so hard and they’re nervous about passing and it just—it gets under my skin.”

“Do you feel nervous when taking tests?”

“I guess. I didn’t used to. But now … I don’t know, other people make me nervous sometimes.”

“Is that what caused the fight? This other student was making you nervous?”

“No, he was pissing me off!”

I don’t mean to shout, but it happens anyway. Guess I’m not totally over it yet.

“Why were you angry at him?”

“He—I guess he saw my test, and when we were leaving class he started railing on me about it. And I told him to shut up but he just kept going—calling me stupid and stuff. It really ticked me off.”

“That’s understandable, Caleb.” She nods. “It can be very difficult to deal with bullies.”

“Yeah, exactly, he is a bully!” I say, relieved that she seems to be on my side. “He’s always picking on people for stuff they can’t help. Like this kid who’s pretty good at math—Tyler started picking on him too. But like, making fun of him for getting a good grade and being chubby. And I just got so mad.”

“Is that when you hit Tyler?” she asks, and there’s nothing judgmental about it. It’s refreshing.

“I guess. I don’t know, the whole thing is kinda blurry.” I swallow as I think about the white-hot anger that pounced on me like a wild animal. “Tyler was trying to get a rise out of me, I think, and I was just getting really upset, I guess, and, I don’t know, it was like—like I couldn’t control it. And then he started teasing Moses and I just … I went into, like, complete Hulk mode. And I hit him.”

“What happened after you hit him?”

“I don’t really know.” I shake my head. “Like I said, it’s all a bit of a blur. I guess he hit me back though, and we, you know…”

“Got into a tussle?”

“A tussle?”

Based on the look on her face, she doesn’t have people questioning her a whole lot. I think I caught her off guard, and it feels like a little victory.

“Is that not an apt description?”

God, “apt.” Where the fuck am I?