That’s how Adam feels right now—like a bird has spread its wings inside of his chest and is ready to take flight. It’s strong and fragile all at once. He knows what he’s doing and it’s almost like I can feel the rhythm of his heartbeat—steady but fast and excited in a way that I could tap my foot to. His enthusiasm is electrifying, even if it’s for something as annoying as Shakespeare. I find myself admiring him a little for it—he doesn’t just want the good grades, he genuinely cares. I don’t know why that’s a relief, but it is.

He finishes with a flourish, landing his point (whatever the fuck his point was—it all went over my head, and I got a bit hypnotized by the way the rhythm of his heart matched up with the movement of his lips), and he rocks forward a bit on the balls of his feet as he lowers his notes. The smallest smile crosses his face and he gives a not-subtle sideways look at Mr. Collins.

“Very well done, Mr. Hayes,” Mr. Collins says with a nod of his head, giving Adam a genuine grin.

The curve of Adam’s smile widens and I can feel the warmth of pleasure rush into him at Mr. Collins’s comment. It feels like winning a football game or solving a hard math problem on my own.

Adam relaxes, leaning back on his heels for a second before walking back toward his desk. The smile has shrunk in size but not feeling—it’s now just a private smile for himself. Well, and me. But he doesn’t know that.

As Adam walks down the aisle between the desks, resident blockhead Bryce pulls the old “cough and say an insult” trick, coughing out, “Suck-up,” just as Adam walks past him. It’s so dumb and childish, and a lazy insult on top of it, so I expect Adam to brush it off. That’s what I would do. But instead I feel him cave in, like someone has put their fist around the bird inside his chest and squeezed until it breaks. The familiar wave of deep blue sadness descends on him once again, this time streaked with angry red lines. He resents Bryce and he resents that he cares what Bryce thinks. But he does—he does care. He cares so much that his smile disappears with no sign of returning.