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Back The Infinite Noise Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  69. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  70. Newsletter Sign-up

It’s weird, we’ve been in school together for five years now, at least, and I don’t know that much about him. His parents are big-deal doctors or something and I guess he wants to do medicine too because he’s taking all the AP science classes with Caitlin. She gave her Macbeth presentation first, to the surprise of no one, and completely nailed it. I like Caitlin—she hangs out with the team sometimes and she’s smart and intense in a way that’s sort of comforting. I don’t have to try so hard with her because she always seems to know what she feels. Sometimes the emotions get really big and make me feel out of sorts, but mostly she’s chill.

Adam’s feelings are big too. They rush into me whenever we’re in the same room, like they’re demanding attention. His emotions are massive and unwieldy in a way that’s frustrating but also … I don’t know. They make me feel things. Like, feelings of my own.

Jesus, that’s dumb. The Great Amazing Feelings Boy strikes again.

But I think that’s why I’ve been so much more aware of him this year than in the past. At the beginning of the year, I thought I was completely losing it. Because I was feeling all this stuff and didn’t know why, and on top of it, sometimes I felt like there were these arms or tentacles or something that would reach out and wrap around me and make everything confusing. I was on a roller coaster—I didn’t know what was up and what was down, and it wasn’t necessarily bad, sometimes it was thrilling, but I also felt like I was going to throw up half the time.

Right now, Adam seems to actually be enjoying himself for once. Normally he’s so sad. Like, really sad in a way that I can’t begin to understand. Sad in a way that sometimes stays with me all day, even when I leave school and everyone else’s feelings wear off. But as he’s talking about Macbeth, there’s a confidence to him that I’ve never felt. And a joy. He’s not just good at this—he loves this. After I take a second to wrap my head around that incredibly foreign concept, I realize I like the feeling. It’s a bit like how I get when I’m playing football or talking about Harry Potter with Alice—like there are these bubbles moving through my veins and sugar on my tongue, cotton candy on my fingertips. It’s light and full all at once and always moving forward. Energetic.