‘How sad,’ said Matthew.

‘Yes, it was,’ said Angus. ‘It must be very sad to have to go through life wanting to be something that you can’t be. To be gay when you want to be straight, for instance. That can’t be easy.’

Matthew frowned. ‘Except that most people who are gay are actually quite comfortable with their identity. These days, at least.’ He paused. ‘Do you think there are straight people who would prefer to be gay? Do you think it works that way round?’

Angus thought for a moment. ‘I’ve not heard of it. There’s no pressure to be gay, you see. The reason why gay people sometimes want to be straight is because they’ve been put under such strong pressure to be straight. It’s oppression, really; it’s very cruel. So they find themselves wishing that they were what society wants them to be. How many lives have been ruined by that.’

‘It’s like tall people not wanting to be short, ‘ said Matthew.

Big Lou looked at him. ‘I’m quite tall,’ she said. ‘I wouldn’t mind being a wee bit shorter sometimes.’

Matthew looked apologetic. ‘I wasn’t thinking of you, Lou,’ he said. ‘You’re … the right size, I think.’

‘This wee chap,’ Angus cut in. ‘The one in the Scottish Arts Club – he had a pair of elevator shoes. We could tell. They had very large heels.’

They were silent for a moment.

‘People should be allowed to do what they want with themselves,’ pronounced Big Lou. ‘It’s none of our business. If somebody wants to wear elevator shoes, it’s up to him.’

Angus smiled. ‘And cosmetic surgery, Lou? What about that? All that nipping and tucking and tightening of the skin round the eyes. Don’t you think that’s grotesque?’

Big Lou reached for her cloth and began to polish the counter top. There was a certain frenzy in her movements. ‘If they want it,’ she said, ‘then it’s up to them. You’ve never had to worry about your nose, or your chin, or whatever. But what if you had?’

Angus rolled his eyes. ‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this from you, Lou. These women with their cosmetic surgery …’

‘And men,’ interjected Big Lou. ‘Men go in for it too. I saw a film, about men who were anxious about …’

‘Yes, yes,’ said Angus hurriedly. ‘That may be so. But you see the results on the women. Those awful tightened faces that end up looking like Japanese Noh masks. All the character taken out of the face. Just this tight skin. It’s ghastly.’

‘And such a waste of medical resources,’ said Matthew. ‘You get all those doctors doing good things – missionary doctors and so on, the flying doctor service – and then you get these greedy surgeons fiddling about with people’s double chins for large payments. Operating for money – pure and simple.’