‘Oi!’ he shouted. ‘Everyone listen up!’

Matt and about twenty-five of his friends – some from university, some from home – were in a barn in North Wales, having spent the day at an adventure centre. During the morning they had run around a forest with paintball guns shooting each other; after a few beers at lunch they had spent the afternoon racing go-karts. The results were predictable. After a three-car pile-up two of the participants in Matt’s stag do had gone to hospital, one, a friend from work called Barry, with a broken wrist, and the other, Matt’s cousin, Simon, with a fractured elbow. Sammy, who was driving the third car, claimed to be fine, but had been walking with a limp ever since.

The guests gathered around Sammy.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘Now for the main event! Get over here, Matt.’

Matt glanced at Jason. ‘What is this?’ he said. ‘What’s he got planned?’

‘Don’t know,’ Jason said. ‘But I’m guessing it involves that vodka.’ He shrugged. ‘Sorry, mate. You put him in charge of your stag do.’

Matt walked over. Guy was standing on the edge of the group. He raised an eyebrow as Sammy jumped off the chair and pointed to it.

‘Take a seat,’ Sammy said, and handed him the vodka. ‘And have a swig of this. You’ll need it. Dutch courage.’

Matt laughed. ‘What are you planning?’ he said.

‘Sit down,’ Sammy replied. ‘You’ll see.’

Matt sat on the chair. As soon as he was seated, he saw Scott and Tony, two other Birmingham friends, step forward. He was surprised to see they were holding ropes – he wondered, for a moment, why they had them, before realizing it was obvious why – but before he could do anything, they had wrapped one around his chest and the other around his knees.

They pulled them tight.

‘OK,’ Sammy said. ‘Get ready, Matt! It’s your last week as a free man, and we’re going to give you a night to remember!’

The door to the barn opened and two women came in. They were dressed in very short silver dresses and high heels, and they were greeted by loud cheers.

‘Say hello to Lexi and Candy,’ Sammy said. ‘Come on in, girls.’

Matt caught Sammy’s eye. ‘I don’t think this is a great idea,’ he said. ‘I thought we agreed, no strippers?’

‘A stag do’s not a stag do without strippers,’ Sammy said. ‘Relax, mate.’

Lexi and Candy stood in front of him and started to sway backwards and forwards.

‘I’m Candy,’ the one on the left said.

‘And I’m Lexi.’

Lexi looked about his age; Candy was quite a bit older. She pulled down the straps of her dress and straddled him. She started to grind her pelvis against his, and pushed her breasts into his face.

He felt her nipples against his cheeks, and turned away.

‘Look,’ he said. ‘I really don’t want—’