I advised dad that he should think about it and that being in love doesn’t always last. It just made him angry. He called me a weakling with no backbone. Said that I didn’t know anything about true love and that I would never experience it anyway.

Did you experience it I asked.

Yes I did. We’ve been together for twenty years now and I’m still in love. But jana what about you. Do you still live in the village.

Yes I said. Or rather no. I haven’t lived here for very long. I came back this Easter and got a job as a homecarer.

I changed the subject.

That man the brännström guy. John I think his name is. What happened to him. And to maria and your dad. It sounds like quite a love triangle.

Dad phoned me just a few days before he died. I could hear from his voice that something had changed. I had to drag the words out of him. Our maria had started going with some other man in the village. Said that my dad was too old and she preferred younger men.

Why did he tell you all this I asked. Because he had nobody else he could tell.

But would all this really add up to shooting oneself I wondered. It could have been accidental.

Don’t you know about love jana. Don’t you understand the forces it sets off in someone who has never loved.

We all go about it in our own way I thought. Some people shoot themselves and others plug the gaps where emotions might trickle in. 124

So what are your thoughts about the funeral. Well funerals. Fredrik has asked me to arrange katarina’s but perhaps you want to do it yourself.

New tears were dripping on the tablecloth and forming fascinating patterns. I put my hand on his in an attempt to comfort him. There was a scab on his thumb. I suppressed an impulse to pick at it.

I don’t know if I can cope he said. My partner has caught a virus and it affects his balance nerve. One of my staff has handed in his notice. It’s getting to be too much for me he said. Too much.

I sensed that he was about to ask me to take on this death as well but I realised it would cause problems. Märitljungqvist would sniff like a scenthound on the track of a bear.

What about a shared funeral I suggested. I have already been talking to nordin. All we need to do is order another coffin.

I felt unsure about the idea. People might disapprove. Not least fredrik who was paying. Perhaps he never cared much for his inlaws. And people who mourned ingelahansson wouldn’t like my choice of music. Myself I’d be pleased. It would look as if stefan had fixed it all.