He asked do you know who my brother adam was. 10

I didn’t know.

We were playing in the hayloft he said. Vaulting off roofbeams and landing in the hay. Adam was the elder by a few years and always dared more than I did. It didn’t help however much I tried to push back at my fear.

Earlier that day he had stolen some cigarettes and asked if I wanted to try one. I didn’t want to come across like a baby so I reached out for one of his nofilter glens and stuck it in the corner of my mouth while my brother lit a match. We didn’t realise that I might choke on the smoke have a fit of coughing and drop my nofilterfag into the hay. Finding a lit cigarette in a haystack is in principle as hard as finding a needle.

The newmown hay might well have smothered the flame if we had left it alone but the more we kept rooting around the more oxygen got in and suddenly fires flared up around us.

I hurled myself down to the floor of the byre and ran out into the sunshine and the air with thick smoke trailing behind me. I ran across the yard and up towards the farmhouse to get help but turned back when I discovered adam wasn’t behind me.

I shouted his name. Through a narrow gap between the fire and the smoke I saw his arm hanging down over the edge of the hayloft.

The man fell silent and pulled himself together. Busied himself at the sink. Caught coffee grains on a kitchen cloth and tugged at his big black mane of wavy hair to get it out of the way. Looked at me and explained.

The most likely thing is that the smoke got to him. I moved the ladder and held my breath and climbed up to him as quickly as I could. Managed to grab hold of his arm and tried to haul him down but he was heavy and I wasn’t strong enough. 11

That’s how it happened. I wasn’t strong enough to rescue my brother. Wasn’t even aware that my hair was on fire. Only how smooth the skin was on adam’s already dead arm.

It was his boots you saw on the chest if you wondered.

Such a sad tale. Still he could have been lying.